The Secret Properties of Light
by maile
Summary: Corrected- and concluded. JL centric, somewhat melodramatic. Careful! Some chapters are smutty.
1. The Begining

If you're not a fan of Lexa & Jesse, you probably won't enjoy the story. While Shalimar & Brennan make occasional appearances, this is almost purely J/L. Also, I'm pretty new to MX, so I may have gotten peripheral characters wrong. I vaguely remember an interaction between Lexa and some p.o.s. guy in the episode where her brother dies- Charles Carter. I've elaborated on their relationship somewhat. Forgive me if I was totally off.  
  
Please note also that later chapters get rather smutty. Be forewarned.  
  
Hearing someone beat the crap out of the unsuspecting punching bag at 4 in the morning was unusual enough for Jesse to go investigate. Walking in, he leans against the counter, observing Lexa Pierce take out her pent up aggression on the innocent object. She was like a sleek wolf- beautiful in part because one knew how much uncontrollable power she possessed. Before he began to feel too much like a voyeur, Jesse spoke- "What are you doing Lexa?"  
  
Without glancing at him, Lexa continued to beat the bag mercilessly. "What does it look like Jesse? Go back to bed."  
  
Grabbing a seat on the counter, Jesse continued to watch Lexa, captivated by the dangerous beauty. "I can't sleep."  
  
"Need to burn off some energy? Grab a pair of gloves."  
  
"You want to spar with me?" Jesse asked, incredulously.  
  
"If the glove fits wonder boy."  
  
Shaking his head, Jesse declined the invitation. "I think I'll pass."  
  
"Probably a good choice," Lexa commented dryly as she practiced her round house.  
  
"You thinking about anything or anyone in particular?"  
  
Lexa didn't answer but lands eight kicks in a row, each deliberately placed. A timer goes off in the background and she backs away from the bag. She looks at him for the first time, her gaze gliding over his shirtless body as she took off her gloves. She makes quick work of a large Nalgene and plunges her hands into a waiting bucket of ice. Jesse notices then that there are three more empty bottles lying on the ground around the bag and counter. He hops off and starts to gather them. "Thanks Jess."  
  
Nodding, Jess places the bottles on the counter. "How long were you at it?"  
  
"A little over an hour." Pulling her hands out of the bucket, she grabbed some ice to rub down her shins.  
  
Jesse grabbed a piece too, sat down across from her. He rolled up the right leg of her yoga pants and began icing her shin for her. "Any particular reason?"  
  
Lexa watched him for a moment, debating whether to accept his help before answering. "I need a warm up."  
  
Snorting, Jesse pointed out three already angry bruises on her legs. "For what, the Super Brawl?"  
  
A smile slipped past the ever controlled brunet, and she shook her head. Finished with the ice, Lexa stretches and cleans up the room quickly, throwing her equipment in her locker to deal with later. She picks up a black duffle bag and swings it over her shoulder. As she closes her locker she looks over her shoulder at Jesse who was standing there expectantly.  
  
"Where you going?" Jesse rubbed a hand thru his hair, a tell that he's nervous.  
  
"I've... got a few things I need to do." She pulls a black vest out of the bag and zips up.  
  
Watching her leave, Jesse jogs to catch up. "You want company?"  
  
Looking him over, she stops for a moment. She runs a finger up and down his arm- if Jesse didn't know better, he would have sworn she was flirting with him. "If I let you come with, it will have to be our little secret."  
  
Swallowing, Jesse nods.  
  
Pulling a pocket watch out of her vest pocket, Lexa purses her lips. "You have three minutes to get dressed. You'll need shoes. I'll meet you in the kitchen."  
  
As she heads to her room, Jesse stands there feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. Without glancing back at him, she calls out, "Two and a half minutes left Jesse." The trance broken, Jesse does his best Tom Cruise ala Risky Business and runs to his room to get dressed.  
  
Exactly two minutes later, he finds her already waiting in the kitchen. She nods to a mug of coffee. "For you. Two milks, two sugars."  
  
He smiles, surprised that she knows how he takes his coffee. "Thanks."  
  
She nods and pours something out of the blender into a 32 oz novelty cup from Wrigley Field. The raspberry colored drink barely fit into the cup, but Lexa finished the whole thing in less time than it took her to pour it.  
  
"Work up a thirst?" Jesse looked at her in amazement.  
  
"Something like that." She looks down at his feet at his new sneakers. "Those made for walking or show?"  
  
"They'll get me from the Helix to wherever we need to go."  
  
Putting the dishes into the sink, Lexa shook her head. "We're not taking the Helix."  
  
"Just exactly where are we going? Should I be carbo loading to?"  
  
She shrugs, pulls a Snickers bar out of the fridge and tosses it at him. "If you like. That should take care of the hunger inside you."  
  
"Should we leave a note?"  
  
"No need, we should be back by the time anyone notices. Look, do you want to come or not?" Taking his nod as a yes, Lexa relented a little. "I've done this a bunch of times since I got here and none of you has noticed before," she offered as if in explanation.  
  
Curious, Jesse asked, "How often do you do this?"  
  
"I don't really keep track," Lexa replied as they walked out of Sanctuary and into the clearing behind Sector C. She pulls a vest like her own out of her bag and hands it to him. "Here, put this on. And these," she adds as she passes him a pair of sun glasses.  
  
"Lexa, the sun isn't even up yet."  
  
"Just put them on Jesse."  
  
Instantly he realizes that they're not sunglasses at all, but are equipped with night vision technology. "Where are we going again?"  
  
"Springfield."  
  
"Wait, that's like a four hour drive from here."  
  
Putting on a pair of sunglasses of her own, she smiled. "Well, I guess we better pick up the pace then eh?" She starts to jog ahead. Turning around and running backwards, she waves at Jesse to follow. "Come on Jesse, it won't be as bad as all that, I promise. Just trust me, okay?"  
  
Shaking his head, Jesse starts after her. When he catches up, they fall into a comfortable pace. After about ten minutes, he gets the nerve up to ask her a question. "Explain to me why we can't take the Helix?"  
  
Something in her vest beeps and she stops him. Pulling out her watch, she flips the face up and for a split second he sees that the watch is more than a simple antique. "If we took the Helix, I'd have to explain the mileage for one, and more importantly we'd be easy to track. I like to think of these trips as an exercise in staying under the radar."  
  
He gives her a look that lets her know he thinks she's crazy, and she smiles again. Stepping closer to him, she wraps her arms around him and asks, "Do you trust me Jesse?"  
  
"Of course I do Lexa, you know that. I'm here, aren't I?" Hesitantly he wraps his arms around her, not sure where the conversation is going.  
  
"Good, because I'm going to share something with you now that I've never shared with anyone. Not the Dominion, not Leo, not anyone. I'm trusting you to keep this a secret Jesse- you can't tell anyone about it."  
  
"I... I don't know what to say."  
  
Smiling that cryptic smile again, Lexa laughs. "Just hold on wonder boy."  
  
Suddenly the world becomes a blur, the only thing that registers with Jesse is that Lexa is by his side, her arms wrapped around him, laughing. Twelve seconds later, things come back into focus. Lexa's arm's drop from around him and he stumbles back. "What the hell was that? Where are we?"  
  
"What are the properties of light Jesse?" Lexa asks, resting against a large rock, watching him take in their sunlit surroundings.  
  
"What- you mean- that's not possible. That's not on your profile."  
  
"I don't exactly advertise it. It takes a lot out of me. I'm going to feel like shit unless I get something to eat right now."  
  
"Where are we?" Jesse's amazement was evident.  
  
"Springfield, Scotland, in Her Majesty's Commonwealth."  
  
"You're telling me we just traveled at the speed of light?"  
  
"Ehh, more or less. I haven't actually run the numbers in a lab. Hey, you still have that Snicker's? I'm feeling a little dizzy. I've never brought someone with me before."  
  
He tosses her the candy bar and waits quietly while she eats it. When she's finished, he offers her a hand up, which she takes. "You okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine. Let's go get some lunch."  
  
He follows her into a small town and into a little café attached to a bed and breakfast. He watches as Lexa exchanges greetings with the locals, asking about their children and grandchildren with a perfect Scottish accent. When they enter the café, the manager motion to a table with a perfect view of the river and Lexa sends her a grateful wave.  
  
After the waitress brings them some tea, Jesse begins to ask Lexa questions quietly. "How do you know these people?"  
  
"I come here from time to time when I need to get away. I started the year I put Leo in the... when I tried to get him treatment. I have a cottage up the road, but I haven't spent as much time here as I'd like."  
  
"How did you find this place?"  
  
Lexa sips her tea. "A friend of mine, from a long time ago, used to talk about this place. So one day, I came."  
  
"Don't they wonder how you get here?"  
  
"They don't ask any questions, I don't give them any explanations." Their food comes and they eat in silence. Occasionally Jesse notices Lexa's eyes following a young boy as he races thru the café playing with his toy soldiers. A few people stop by to say hello to Lexa, and she greets them warmly and with sincere affection. She introduces Jesse to them as her friend, and while that raises a few eyebrows, everyone smiles and treats him kindly.  
  
As they finish eating, church bells ring in the distance. The little boy's mother comes out of the kitchen carrying a birthday cake. Lexa smiles as the boy claps, and stands to leave. She leaves twice what the bill came to, and motions for Jesse that it's time to go.  
  
When they exit, Lexa links her arm thru his and chews on her lower lip. He glances down at her. For a moment, he thinks she's about to cry, but just then a woman calls to them from across the street, and Lexa waives. The woman gestures them over, and they cross the street. Jesse smiles thru yet another set of introductions, and nods hello at the appropriate time and place in the conversation. The woman hands Lexa a bag full of pastries, which Lexa tries to decline, but graciously accepts. Jesse watches silently, amazed at this side of Lexa he's never seen before.  
  
When they exit the store, Jesse takes her hand and gives it a tight squeeze. They walk along together quietly until they've left the little village behind. Jesse releases her hand and wraps it around her shoulders, giving silent comfort to her. He's not sure why, but he knows she's close to tears. Without a word she starts to sob. Jesse takes her in his arms and rocks her gently, rubbing her back.  
  
The world slowly blurs, and a few moments later, he realizes they are back home. With amazement, he watches her deliberately replace each brick of the wall that separates her from the team- from him. Though he doesn't know why, he feels he understands her desperate need to build that wall a little better. She takes off the vest and the glasses, and he does the same. He folds them for her and puts them in the duffle, which he carries back to Sanctuary for her.  
  
It goes without saying that they will not speak of what has transpired, between themselves or with others. As they enter Sanctuary, Jesse sneaks a peak at Lexa. He almost begins to question whether the whole thing happened at all. Outwardly, she does not reflect a thing.  
  
They find Brennan and Shalimar eating breakfast. Tucking her hair back, Lexa opens the fridge, with a simple "Hey" in greeting.  
  
Noticing how Jesse's eyes follow Lexa, Shalimar asks, "Where've you to love birds been?"  
  
Lexa rolls her eyes and pours herself a glass of milk without bothering to ask if he wanted one as well. Jesse pulls the pastries out of the duffle and offers them to her. She takes them from him with a quiet "Thank you." Their hands touch for a split second, and Jesse knows she is thanking him for much more than the simple gesture. She takes the pastries out of the brown bag and places them on a plate. There are four pastries and four of them. She puts the plate on the table and takes a seat. Jesse sits down next to her.  
  
Brennan reaches for one without thinking, and Shalimar slaps his hand away. "What?" he asks, oblivious to his breach of etiquette.  
  
Lexa smiles and shakes her head, indicating that it's alright. "No, no- go ahead, please. There's enough for all of us."  
  
Brennan gives Shalimar a victorious look, and takes one. They each take one, and Lexa offers a toast. "To the team."  
  
Brennan, Shalimar and Lexa clink glasses while Jesse offers his fist as a substitute. Lexa hands him hers and gets up to pour another. Smiling, he says, "Thanks for sharing."  
  
Their eyes meet, and Lexa nods. "Just don't get used to it." Her tone is light, but her eyes are not. 


	2. Chapter 2

After they finished their pastries, Jesse did the dishes while Lexa read the paper. Hanging up the dishtowel on the drying rack, Jess turned to Lexa, "Anything other big plans for the day?" Shaking her head, Lexa stretched. "No. I'm going to do some work in the lab for a while though. I have a few new theories I'd like to check out."  
  
"Need any help?"  
  
Lexa tilted her head for a moment in thought, rubbing her neck. She bent it back the other way, cracking several vertebrae in her neck. "I think I've got a handle on it."  
  
Pensively, Jess took a step forward- "If you ever need any help, you know all you have to do is ask right? With anything."  
  
Swallowing, Lexa nodded slightly. "I know," she said softly.  
  
Lexa forced herself to stay in the lab for several hours. When Shalimar came in to ask her if she was hungry, Lexa waved her away and kept focused. Occasionally a string of epithets would explode from the lab that were so colorful they made Brennan blush. Jesse tried to offer help three times, but each time Lexa waived him off as well.  
  
When Lexa finally did look up, she saw that it was 11 at night. Though she was exhausted, she knew she didn't want to go to bed. She was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to sleep, and on the off chance she did slip away, she was afraid of what she'd dream about.  
  
Suddenly she noticed that Jesse was standing in the doorway with two piping hot mugs of chocolate.  
  
"Is one of those for me?" Lexa asked, stretching.  
  
Jesse flashed her a smile as he walked in, offering her a mug with the Chinese character for peace painted on the exterior. "It even has marshmallows and a shot of peppermint schnapps."  
  
"Mmm, just how I like it. Thanks." Lexa gratefully took the mug.  
  
"So what were you working on?" Jesse asked, standing behind her as she shut down the computer she'd been running calculations on.  
  
"I was trying to find a formula that would reestablish stability to our oh so fragile DNA utilizing a process which paralleled the reanimation process Shal brought back with her."  
  
"Any progress?" Jesse asked.  
  
"Well I eliminated four techniques from our search, but that's not the kind of progress I'd like to be making." Lexa answered.  
  
"You were in here for almost 12 hours. Aren't you tired?"  
  
"Not tired enough," she said between sips.  
  
"Why didn't you want my help?" Jesse asked, his voice revealing his more than passing interest.  
  
"Sometimes people just need to do things the way they need to do them Jess. I'm not used to this team stuff. I don't like relying on people or having people rely on me."  
  
"I thought you wanted to be a part of the team. This morning-"  
  
"I said I didn't want to talk about it Jess." Getting up Lexa walked to the kitchen, and away from Jesse.  
  
Not to be shaken, Jesse followed her. "Will you let me finish? This morning, when you lit the candles on the cake and you made that toast- didn't you feel like you were part of a team?"  
  
Draining her mug, Lexa opens the fridge and takes out a bottle of rum & a can of coke. Quickly chugging a third of the soda, Lexa pours a generous two fingers worth into the can.  
  
After throwing back her drink, Lexa turned and looked at Jesse. "I have never felt more alone here than I have today Jesse. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out."  
  
"Where are you going?" Jesse asked, holding her by the arm as she tried to walk past him.  
  
"That's none of your business," she said, trying to shake him.  
  
"It is if you're thinking of taking the helix or the car and you've been drinking."  
  
"Two drinks is not drinking Jess."  
  
"It is on an empty stomach." With challenge in his eye, he continued on- "How do you expect to go anywhere if I don't give you the keys?"  
  
"You little shit." Lexa jerked her arm away from his and quickly turns invisible.  
  
"Lexa! Lexa don't do this!" Jesse yells, running to his desk to get a pair of infra red heat goggles. Flipping them on, he quickly scans the room looking for her. Not finding her he tries to use sanctuary's security system to find her, but she doesn't show up on any of the room scans, or as being in the hanger- or the garage.  
  
Flipping the com links on, Jesse pages her, trying a direct appeal. "You can't run from whatever it is you're trying to run from Lexa. Let me help you. Whatever it is- we can figure something out together."  
  
In response a message flashes across Jesse's computer screen. "Fuck off." Instantaneously, four doors throughout Sanctuary flip open at once. The commotion finally catches Shalimar and Brennan's attention.  
  
"What's going on Jesse?" Brennan asks as he and Shal enter the room.  
  
Another message from Lexa flashes on the computer screen- "Don't." Hesitating Jesse turns towards them- "Lexa and I are having a small difference of opinion."  
  
Scanning the room, Shalimar motions for the boys to quiet down so she can try to sense something. "She's not here."  
  
"You're sure?" Brennan asks.  
  
"Positive. I don't hear or smell her anywhere." Shal responds.  
  
"Two exit doors and the hanger were opened, she may be trying to leave." Jesse said, his voice again revealing his anxiousness.  
  
"We'll go look for her." Brennan volunteered.  
  
"Yeah, Jesse maybe you should stay here- obviously whatever's going on is between the two of you." Shal said, raising her eyebrow.  
  
"It's not like that." Jesse said, blushing slightly.  
  
Suddenly all the tvs and stereos through out Sanctuary start going off- as does the motion sensor by the fire escape, then the far perimeter sensor on the path beyond its' landing.  
  
Jesse tosses the keys to the helix and the cars to Brennan. "Here- take these with you and go check sector C. If she can't take the rides, she'll be on foot, which should slow her down at least."  
  
"Got it." Brennan says heading out.  
  
Jesse flipped the goggles back down and started to do his own sweep of Sanctuary. He turns off each tv and stereo as he goes from room to room, till only the stereo in Lexa's room is still on. He tries the door, but it's locked so he walks thru the wall. En Vogue's "Never Going to Get It" is playing on the surround sound stereo at deafening levels, but all he can hear when he spots Lexa is his heart beating in his ears.  
  
She's dressed to kill- and while he didn't know where she was going, he immediately knew what she was going for.  
  
Lexa spots him in the mirror as she's putting on make up. "What?" Lexa asks, not bothering to turn and face him.  
  
"You're not leaving Lexa." Jesse's statement had a finality that surprised her.  
  
Turning to face him, she smirked- "You can't stop me Jess."  
  
"I can and I will. Don't do this."  
  
"I haven't DONE anything yet."  
  
"Going out and having sex with some guy you don't know isn't going to fix whatever the hell it is that's bothering you this time Lexa. It's reckless, dangerous, and more than just a little stupid." Jesse bit out.  
  
"You don't fucking know me Jesse, don't even try to pretend you have me pegged." She said, pulling on her thigh highs with motions so smooth that they took Jesse's breath away.  
  
"I don't know you because you won't let me. Whatever it is you're looking for out there is jeopardizing what you have right here, and if you're too stupid to see that-"  
  
"And what exactly do I have here? You and I both know damn well that what I need is something you can't give me. So stop calling me stupid you self- righteous-"  
  
"You're the self-righteous one Lexa. Stop thinking your problems are any more difficult for you to handle than ours are. And you are stupid if you don't realize that I'm here for you Lexa."  
  
Without thinking Lexa launched one right at Jesse's head, but he let it pass right thru him and hit the cd player, silencing it.  
  
For the second time that night Jesse grabbed her by the arm and tried to still her. "Don't. Do. That. Again." Jesse growled.  
  
Though Lexa tried to pull away, Jesse managed to grab her other arm as well, and held her firmly in place. He wrapped his arms around her, at first to keep her from struggling, then to comfort her after she stilled and started to melt against him.  
  
The change was sudden, but somehow it creped up on both of them. Arms that first imprisoned her were stroking her back, then caressing her sides and then... their lips met gently at first, then with an explosion of passion. As the fell onto the bed, lexa rolled on top of him- and looked in his eyes searching them.  
  
"This- this doesn't mean- it's just for tonight, got it? I just- I need this."  
  
Thru the haze, part of Jess realized that this was the closest thing to a confession of weakness he'd heard from Lexa's own lips.  
  
Helping her take her top off Jesse kissed first the underside of her breast, then took the nipple itself into his mouth.  
  
Moaning, lexa ground herself against him, but pushed his head away. "I mean it Jesse. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship," she panted, sitting up.  
  
He sat up, his ears ringing, and kissed her neck, then slid his fingers between her legs, causing her head to roll back and her to bite her lower lip, moaning. Leaning forward to kiss her body, Jesse gave Lexa what she wanted to hear- "I'll give you what you need. I promise."  
  
* * * *  
  
Brennan and Shalimar had spent 40 minutes searching first the perimeter, then the hanger, before calling it quits & heading back to Sanctuary. They would have stayed out longer, but they were concerned when Jesse didn't answer them over the coms.  
  
When they walked in and didn't find him where they'd left him, they went to look in his room. As they neared Lexa's room, Shalimar started to grin and stopped Brennan from knocking.  
  
"What?" Brennan asked, uncomprehendingly.  
  
"He's in there with her." Shalimar said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"What, you mean like-" Brennan stopped mid-sentence when he heard the rhythmic thumping accompanied by Jesse's distinctive voice groaning.  
  
With her feral hearing, Shalimar could even hear Lexa begging Jesse not to stop. She could even hear the vulnerability in Lexa's voice- the need for something that Lexa herself hadn't realized only Jesse would bring her.  
  
As they walked away, Shalimar could hear the desperation and need growing in Lexa's voice- a quick glance and Brennan and she realized that he couldn't. Suddenly a flash of light and heat slammed the second couple from behind. The two looked at each other and burst out laughing.  
  
* * *  
  
Lying entwined together, Lexa stared up at the ceiling, her body humming, while Jesse nuzzled her neck, smiling. "I can't move," she whispered.  
  
Lifting his head so that he can look into her vivid eyes, he laughed. "What happened to 'Don't stop' Hmm? You certainly had no problem moving when you did that thing where you..." he leaned back down to whisper in her ear.  
  
Lexa starts to blush- now its her turn to burry her head in his shoulder.  
  
Jesse took the opportunity to memorize every detail of her body. Tenderly he confessed-"I think you're so beautiful."  
  
"Jesse- don't." Lexa turned from him- pulling away.  
  
Pulling her back to him, Jesse tried another tactic. "I thought you said you couldn't move," he teased as he pinned her under him.  
  
"You promised." Now it was Lexa's turn for her voice to betray her, her eyes searching his.  
  
"I'm not going to hurt you Lexa, you know I could never hurt you." Jesse said, comfortingly, stroking her face. "Until we leave this room- it's still 'tonight.'" Kissing her gently, he stroked her face. "Okay?"  
  
Nodding, Lexa wrapped her arms around him.  
  
* * * * * 


	3. Chapter 3

The next afternoon, Lexa awoke before Jesse and quietly got out of bed and into the shower. Hearing the shower start, Jesse woke up, and stretched. He pulled on his sweats, made his way to the kitchen, and poured some coffee. Brennan and Shalimar just looked at him. "Nice of you to join us." Brennan said dryly.  
  
"I over slept." Jesse said with a straight face.  
  
"It's almost two in the afternoon Jesse." Brennan replied.  
  
"What?" Jesse asked, looking innocent.  
  
"I always knew Lexa had some claws on her." Shalimar smirked, nodding at his chest and back.  
  
Startled Jesse looked down, seeing the physical reminder of Lexa's affections on his torso.  
  
"Put a shirt on." Lexa said walking in, not looking at Bren and Shal.  
  
Guffawing, Brennan stood up. "I have to go change the oil in the truck," he said, heading out of the kitchen as quickly as he could. "Want to help Shal?"  
  
Nodding, Shalimar left with him.  
  
"Hey," Jesse said, managing to keep the awkwardness out of his voice for once.  
  
"Hey." Lexa answered calmly, pushing a strand of her hair back behind her ear.  
  
"Lexa..." Jesse said, reaching out and touching her shoulder.  
  
"Jesse, don't." Lexa pulled away and turned her back to him. "We said it was only for one night."  
  
"No, you said it was only for one night- I didn't." Jesse said softly, stroking her arm again.  
  
"You promised Jesse." Lexa said tightly.  
  
"I promised to give you what you needed." Jesse said.  
  
"You did. But now what I need is some space."  
  
"Don't do this Lexa."  
  
"I'm sorry Jesse. I don't want this." Lexa walked away slowly.  
  
Watching her go Jesse threw his mug against the wall. He missed seeing lexa cringe at the sound of the mug shattering and take off running to her room as he watched the coffee drip down the wall.  
  
* * * *  
  
Later, in the lab- Lexa's working at the computer, ignoring Jesse who's working across the hall in the loft- and stealing glances of her every chance he could.  
  
"So..." Shalimar said, walking in.  
  
"Yes?" Lexa said, looking up from the computer and taking off her glasses.  
  
"You going to tell me what happened?" Shal asked, biting into an apple.  
  
"You already know what happened. I'm sure you heard the whole thing. Sorry about that."  
  
"Only a little of it- after your little tantrum, Brennan and I went looking for you. When we couldn't find Jesse when we got back, well- after we figured it out, we watched a movie. With the volume up high. Of course, the flashes of light and ahem, heat... were a little hard to ignore." Taking another bite of her apple, she waited for Lexa to answer.  
  
Lexa dropped her pen, flustered. "You- I- you felt that?"  
  
Shalimar nodded. "All four times. Don't worry, I think Brennan only felt it the first time. For numbers two, three and four we were far enough away that he didn't even wake up."  
  
Lexa blushed. "I've never... that's never happened before." She stole a glance up at Jesse.  
  
"You've never- finished before?" Shal asked, looking up at Jesse with her eyebrow arched.  
  
"No- I mean- yes- I- not like that. I have, but not like that." Lexa said slowly.  
  
"Really? So Jesse is the first?" Shal asked.  
  
"Mmmhm. I better run some tests." Lexa got a syringe and a rubber strap to use as a tourniquet out, as if she were going to draw some blood.  
  
"Lexa- maybe it's nothing wrong with you, but something right with Jesse." Shalimar said, stopping Lexa.  
  
"What are you saying? It's not like that Shalimar. I used him. To use terminology that a feral would understand, I had an itch and I let him scratch it."  
  
"Hey watch your tone. I'm only trying to help you here." Lexa said as she dropped the apple core in the trash.  
  
Shaking her head, Lexa started to pace. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean for it to come out that way." Looking up at Jesse, Lexa rubbed the spot on her neck that he'd kissed only that morning- and accidentally made eye contact with him. After a moment, she turned her back on him, and looked back at Shalimar. "Don't you get it- I'm not wired to have relationships. They're illogical- why make yourself vulnerable like that?"  
  
Shalimar arched her brow, and leaned forward on her stool. "Because you're a woman and you have needs. Needs that Jesse seems particularly equipped and eager to satisfy for you. Don't you get tired of being... self reliant all the time? If you let Jesse in, he won't leave you Lexa. How can you think he'd ever hurt you?"  
  
Sighing Lexa put her glasses back on and started to type. "I don't think that. Look, I'll admit Jesse is a great guy- but it's because he's a great guy that I don't want to have a relationship with him Shalimar. People I let in either hurt me, or worse, get hurt."  
  
"You have to stop blaming yourself for Leo's death Lexa." Shalimar said gently.  
  
"I did everything I could think of- everything. I sold my soul- I put my life on hold- I gave up- you'll never know what I gave up just to try to help him. And look what happened. Not again. I won't let it happen again." Lexa glanced up at Shalimar. "If you care about him Shalimar, then you'd see what a bad idea this is."  
  
Shalimar tilted her head and shrugged. "I never said I thought it was a good idea, but Jesse seems to think so, and that's really all that matters."  
  
"Yeah, well I tried to make him realize it was stupid. Boy wonder can be a little slow sometimes." Lexa did her best not to look up at him, concentrating instead on remaining seated.  
  
Suddenly realization hit Shalimar- "That's why you went for the thief. To put Jesse off."  
  
Lexa frowned- "That wasn't about Jesse. I just mixed in a little pleasure to help take care of business."  
  
"No, I don't think so. I think you were beginning to wonder what it would be like to have Jesse sooth that 'itch,' and you needed a little distraction."  
  
Lexa didn't answer.  
  
"If you don't trust yourself Lexa, at least trust Jesse. You know he doesn't have a mean bone in his body."  
  
Lexa nods, and then turns back to her work.  
  
Sensing that their heart-to-heart is over, Shalimar leaves.  
  
Seeing Shalimar leave the room, Jesse bolts downstairs after her.  
  
"What did she say?" Jesse asked without bothering with any other greeting.  
  
Smiling slyly, Shalimar decided to play dumb. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Cut the crap Shalimar- she talked to you. She won't even be in the same room with me. I need to know what she said about last night."  
  
"She's scared Jesse." Shalimar said, relenting.  
  
"She told you that? In those words?" Jesse's eyebrows knit together and he rubbed his chin in thought.  
  
"No, not in those words- but she's worried about what happens to people she cares about and she said you were too great a guy for her to do that to."  
  
"But I'm not like Leo. It wouldn't be like that at all- I wouldn't be her responsibility."  
  
"That's right, you're not like Leo- which also means you're not like Lexa. They were twins Jesse. It's as if she killed a part of herself when she killed Leo. She said she sold her soul to protect him- and that- that I would never know what she gave up trying to protect Leo. I don't think she has much to give you right now Jesse."  
  
"I don't want to take anything from her- I want to be there for her. I can do that- she knows-"  
  
"What are you doing?" Lexa asked, walking in with her arms crossed defensively.  
  
"Lexa-"Jesse started.  
  
"Shit Jesse, I thought I made it clear where things stood, but if you had any questions you should have come to me with them- not Shalimar. At least I know where her loyalties lie- it didn't take you very long to report back to boy wonder did it?" Lexa spit out.  
  
"Jesse's my friend Lexa. I was only trying to help the two of you work whatever the hell it is between the two of you out." Shalimar replied calmly.  
  
"Leave her out of it Lexa," Jesse warned.  
  
"Just like you did, huh?" Lexa threw up her arms in defeat. "That's it. I knew this was a bad idea." She pivoted 180 degrees and left the room as abruptly as she had entered it. She went into her room, slamming the door behind her.  
  
For the second time in 24 hours, Jesse found himself knocking on Lexa's door. "Lexa let me in. Open the door damn it. Open the door or I'll-"  
  
Lexa swung the door open for him and yanked him inside before closing the door behind him.  
  
Jesse looked around the room and noticed a large bag with clothes thrown in it haphazardly. "You're leaving?" he asked with a quiet desperation?  
  
"What?" Lexa looked up at him, startled.  
  
"Are you leaving?" he asked again, unable to look her in the eye.  
  
"No, why?" For a moment, her voice sounded at first comforting, then cautious.  
  
He pointed to the bag.  
  
"I'm doing laundry Jesse. I don't have a laundry basket."  
  
"Oh." He sat down on her bed. "Look, I'm sorry if you were embarrassed back there, but you shouldn't blame Shalimar, Lex."  
  
She sat down next to him and started to pick at her quilt. "I know."  
  
"I didn't tell her anything about-"  
  
Lexa reached her fingers out and placed two of them on his lips. With her other hand she motioned for him to be silent, then pointed through out the room, and then to her ears.  
  
"Who?" he mouthed.  
  
"Dominion." She mouthed back.  
  
Swallowing, he nodded.  
  
"We shouldn't have done it." Lexa said softly, as she turned away from him and lay back on the bed, pillowing her head with her hands.  
  
"Don't say that." He said- neither harsh nor pleading.  
  
"You know it is true Jesse. I'm not ready for you, and you're not ready for me. We probably will never both be ready for each other. We're so different."  
  
He lay down next to her, propped on his side so he could watch her. "No one's ever ready for what we have Lexa."  
  
She snorted. "It's unholy, really." She glanced over at him.  
  
"Don't say that either."  
  
"It's true. You're like this innocent angel- and I'm... I've killed too many people. I can't go where you want to lead me Jesse. I don't belong there. Not anymore." A single tear rolled down her cheek.  
  
"You're no Carter, Lex."  
  
"I slept with him. For almost two years we were together. There was a time where I thought I might love him Jesse."  
  
"Stop it. I don't want to hear this. You don't have to tell me- you're not the same person anymore Lexa."  
  
"You're right. Back then I had something I cared about so much I was willing to die for to protect. I would have killed anyone if I knew they were hurting Leo. I guess that means I would have killed myself." She laughs a painful forced laugh.  
  
"Lexa please..." Jesse reaches out to comfort her, but she rolls away.  
  
"And even after I began to suspect- and then after I knew what Carter was about, I stayed. I would tell myself it was for Leo. I had already gone so far to protect him, giving Carter my body was nothing. So you see Jesse, I'm not just a murderer, I'm a whore. You don't want to be with a person like me Jesse. You want someone like Emma used to be- someone she'd still be if the world had fewer people like me in it, and more people like you."  
  
"Lexa... stop it. Just stop. You can't blame yourself for leo. You were trying to help him. Everything you did was to help him."  
  
"But I liked it Jesse. Being with Carter made me powerful. Men would do whatever I said. Charles showered me with gifts. The work was exiting. It's sick, but at the time, I liked who I was and what I could do."  
  
"You left, Lexa. You're not that person anymore. You saved Brennan- someone you don't even like, because you knew it was the right thing to do. I've seen you do good Lexa. You're a good person. If I'm the angel you make me out to be, I couldn't... care about you... the way... I do." Jesse said, kissing the face she kept turned away from him.  
  
Lexa was crying in earnest now- huge, body wrenching silent sobs. Jesse wrapped his arms around her and held her close, trying to comfort her. She cried so hard for so long that Jesse began to worry that she was making herself ill. Slowly she calmed down, and fell asleep.  
  
He pulled the covers up over them, and lay there with her, watching her sleep until he fell asleep himself.  
  
* * * * * 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, when Lexa awoke, she was alone in the bed. Her laundry was neatly folded and resting on her bureaus, its' sent filling the room. Next to the piles was a bouquet of lilies. On the night stands on either side of her bed were small vases filled with tulips. She rolled over to examine the note left next to her. "Lexa- Remember that Leo was trying to protect you too. He gave his life to free you from the burden he thought he was. I don't have as much as some, but I will shower you with gifts, & do anything for you. Our work is honest, if not always exciting. If you liked the person you were then, perhaps you can grow to love the person you are now. Please- let me try to make you happy~ Jesse."  
  
Lexa stayed in bed breathing slowly, a small smile playing on her lips. Stretching she got out of bed and into the shower. She sang Dashboard Confessional's Hand's Down quietly to herself as she got dressed. Looking thru her closet, she picked up the black vest she had worn two days ago and put it on. She fingered the second one, debating whether or not to take Jesse with her.  
  
Suddenly her computer screen came to life behind her. It was the Dominion.  
  
The shadowy figure observed her for a moment before commenting dryly, "You seem to be in an unusually good mood."  
  
Lexa tensed at the unexpected intrusion. Turning to face the monitor she shrugged. "It happens."  
  
"By 'It' I hope you don't mean love. You don't have time for that luxury Lexa," the voice chided.  
  
"If you know about- what happened, you also know I told him we couldn't be together," Lexa growled defensively.  
  
"I also know that you want to be with him, despite all logic. And judging from the flowers, he wants to be with you. Really Lexa, you surprise me. I would have thought Brennan was more your type."  
  
Lexa's head jerked back in surprise and disgust. "I may be a lot of things, but I'm no home-wrecker. What does it matter who I sleep with, as long as I can get my job done?"  
  
"It's not only your ability to get the job done that's in question, Ms. Pierce, but your loyalty to the Dominion."  
  
"Mutant X is a part of the Dominion, this would only serve to strengthen my ties," Lexa rationalized.  
  
"You and I both know that isn't true," the voice said mockingly.  
  
"If you're worried about my loyalties, then don't give me a reason to choose Mutant X over the Dominion." Lexa barked, shutting off her computer. Taking a moment to collect herself, she paged Jesse over the coms, "Jesse, can I talk to you for a minute?"  
  
* * * *  
  
When Jesse got the call, he was in the middle of a conversation with Brennan in the rec room. He stopped mid sentence and broke into a grin. "Hey man, I have to go." He was headed toward Lexa's before Brennan had a chance to reply.  
  
"What's up," he asked, entering Lexa's room. Lexa didn't stop pacing when she turned to him and told him to sit down. A sense of dread started to fill him. Maybe the flowers weren't the way to go. The note might have been too personal, too much for her. Maybe-  
  
Lexa stopped and kneeled in front of him and placed her hands on his knees, as if he was a child and she wanted to make sure they were at eye level for an important discussion. "Thank you for the flowers," she said softly. "They were a really sweet touch."  
  
Jesse smiled, took her hand and kissed it softly. He watched her struggle not to stiffen up, and decided that her ability to stay relaxed- well to almost remain relaxed was a good sign. "I'm glad you liked them."  
  
"I do. Carter never gave me lilies or tulips. It was always- that's not the point." She ran her hands thru her hair.  
  
"Are you- you're flustered." Jesse grinned. "I flustered you."  
  
Laughing, Lexa shook her head. "Don't get cocky, wonder boy."  
  
Pulling her perpendicularly onto his lap, he couldn't wipe the grin off his face. Nuzzling her neck, he whispered to her in a husky voice. "I thought you liked it when I-"  
  
"Stop!" Lexa was suddenly bright red, from her forehead to her fingertips. She put her finger on his mouth to quiet him.  
  
Looking into her eyes, he took her finger into his mouth and sucked it gently. "I'm beginning to like it when you do that."  
  
Lexa shuddered, her eyes dropping to his mouth as he swirled his tongue around her finger in the same intoxicating rhythm he'd used when they'd made love. Her eyes snapped back to his and she pulled her hand away when she realized that she thought of it as making love. "The Dominion knows."  
  
Surprisingly, Jesse just shrugged. "So?" His right arm circled her waste, while his left hand rested on her right thigh, his thumb running back and forth.  
  
"He doesn't like it." Lexa said softly. "He questioned my loyalty."  
  
This time Jesse did tense up. "What did you tell him?"  
  
"I... I said that I had told you we couldn't have a relationship- but that if I-we- if we chose to have one anyway, it would only strengthen my ties to the Dominion by strengthening my ties to Mutant X." She paused for a moment, searching Jesse's face. He was staring passed her, not wanting to make eye contact. "He didn't buy it."  
  
"Neither do I."  
  
"Will you let me finish? I'm not used to giving other people the instant replay Jesse." Her voice reflected her annoyance- both at the current situation and yesterday's incident with Shalimar.  
  
"I already said I was sorry about that Lexa."  
  
Lexa didn't answer him immediately. The silence seemed to go on forever- engulfing them. Drowning any chance they had at a "them." "I told him not to put me in a position to choose Jesse."  
  
"What does that mean?" Jesse said, cautiously.  
  
Lexa zipped up her vest and took his head in her hands. "It means that even now, I don't have that blind loyalty to the Dominion that I once had. Part of me trusts you, and the team." She kissed him gently, pulling away when he began to respond. She dropped her hands and played with her zipper again. "It means I'm going to trust my instincts and try to make the right choices for the right reasons from now on. That's why I'm telling you this. I wouldn't have three days ago. I want you to know that. Definitely not before Leo. But sometimes keeping secrets fucks things up more than it helps."  
  
"Why Lexa, is that a declaration of love?" Jesse teased, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
Lexa pursed her lips and shook her head. "Nice try, boy wonder."  
  
"I'd like to point out that I am older than you by 4 months." Jesse's hand rubbed her thigh, making it hard for both of them to concentrate.  
  
"Life experience counts for something Jesse." Lexa said dryly.  
  
"Well, you'll have to catch me up then, won't you?" Jesse said, nibbling at her ear.  
  
Lexa shook her head, laughing. "Nothing's really changed Jesse. I'm still not sure that this is a good idea." She put her hand over his so she could concentrate.  
  
"What do you mean? You just basically told the Dominion to fuck off. I thought we'd exorcised some of those demons last night."  
  
She stroked his face again. "I did. We did. But sometimes things just aren't that easy. That's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
"You mean all that was just the prelude?"  
  
Nodding, Lexa agreed. "Pretty much."  
  
"You care about me Lexa. We have a connection. I'm falling in lo-"  
  
"Don't. Not yet Jesse." Lexa placed her hand on his lips again in what was becoming a ritual.  
  
He kissed her fingers gently. "You know how I feel."  
  
"I know." Lexa conceded the point. "But I'm not really sure how I feel yet."  
  
"I know how I make you feel." Jesse said suggestively, his hands caressing her body as he kissed her, coaxing her to open up to him.  
  
Lexa let herself enjoy the moment briefly. "Jesse..." she pleaded. She had meant to tell him to stop, but even Lexa recognized that the message conferred was entirely the opposite. Once again she was amazed at the ease in which he shifted their "conversation" and their bodies to the next level. She wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but suddenly she was lying under him, her legs entwined with his. His mouth was starting to kiss a trail down her chest; Lexa knew that if she let it go on any further, they would soon be naked. Exercising some of the discipline she had always prided herself on, she rolled out from under him, and got up off the bed. She walked as far from the bed as she could, making sure that she could get out of the room if she had to.  
  
Jesse sat up, bracing his head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.  
  
Lexa cleared her throat. "I'm not going to deny that we're... physically compatible."  
  
Now it was Jesse's turn to snort. Lexa looked at him briefly, and started to pace. "And maybe part of me is drawn to your... innocence."  
  
"It wasn't my 'innocence' that had you begging me, telling me you needed me, and you damn well know it," he drawled. "For the record, whenever we're in this room, it's you who is turning to me for 'help'."  
  
She shot him a look, that from another mutant, might have killed. "Are you done? Shit like that isn't going to help here, Mr. Macho."  
  
"Well if you'd stop referring to me as some sort of child, I wouldn't have to play Macho, which, I might add, you seem to respond very well to most of the time."  
  
"God, why does everyone think they know what I want? For your information, and for yours too since I know you're still listening- it's not about dominant male sexuality or brute force, you got that? It's you that I care about. Your mind and your personality. You're kind, and loyal, and non-judgmental. It's your ability to read me. Christ, that's what makes you sexy, that's why it's you and not Brennan. That's why I fell out of love with Carter- because I realized it wasn't that he could read me, but that he could manipulate me."  
  
Jesse stared at her, startled. "What?"  
  
Lexa grimaced and raised her hands in explanation. "He said he thought Brennan was more my type."  
  
"That's not what I meant."  
  
"Oh. Then what?"  
  
Jesse shook his head. "I don't know. I'm just surprised. I thought you thought I was hokey because of all those things you just said. Half of your jabs are based on those things."  
  
"I do... I know it doesn't make sense. That's one of the reasons this drives me crazy." She gestures back and forth between them. "But when I'm with you, I want those things. I want to be like I was before I became what I am now. Before Leo got sick. When I'm with you, I hear myself tell you things that I wouldn't tell anyone else. I had to be strong for Leo, for the project, for Carter- for the Dominion. With you, all those things don't mean anything. You expect me to be how I was, and so somehow, I can be like that. It's like that song- if I could be like that, I would give anything... or is it everything." She laughs, that painful laugh again. "I don't know anymore."  
  
"Lexa... baby." Jesse walks over to her with his arms open to embrace her.  
  
"Don't..." she pushes him away, wiping her eyes. "You don't get it Jesse, do you? The thing is I'm not the person you see, the person I want to be. What I'd have to give to be her, I don't know if I have that to give."  
  
"It doesn't have to be this difficult Lexa. I'm not asking you to change." Jesse stood helplessly behind her, aching to touch her.  
  
"But I'd have to." Lexa whispers. "Otherwise I'd rip us both apart, just like I am right now. I don't want you to change Jesse. But what happens when someone like Emma comes along? I can't be her, but maybe the next girl can give you something like Emma could have."  
  
"Emma's gone Lexa. Just like Leo is. They're dead, and their deaths changed us. I let her death make me stronger, braver, more appreciative of what I have in the moment, and I know she would be happy about that. How would Leo want his death to affect you?" He took a step closer to her, and placed his arms around her, locking his hands over her smooth stomach. "You got to tell me why you chose me and why it scares you. Let me tell you now.  
  
"When you first came into our lives, you were this beautiful but deadly purpose driven enigma. You wouldn't let anything stand in your way- and at first, I didn't trust you because of that. I'm so used to working in a team; I didn't understand why anyone would choose to be alone. How could you do it, what we do, and not talk about it with someone at the end of the day? You gave no explanations, you just did what you had to do, no apologies.  
  
"When I realized that you were driven by the same things- I began to admire you. Instead of ruthless, you were strong. Instead of single-minded, determined. Instead of cold, fiery. And I realized that it wasn't that you were untrusting, it was that you didn't have anyone you thought you could trust. In essence, you put the needs of other ahead of yourself. You walked into this tight knit family, knowing we had each other for so long that we didn't need you- and you found a way to walk the line between the Dominion and the team. And maybe you didn't share everything and one you knew with us, but that's why those people still trusted you. When we were trying to save the Senator, I realized that Brennan, Shalimar and I- we didn't always tell everyone the whole truth either. You told them just enough to help them help us, which was what you were doing."  
  
His hands, which had been a comforting weight on her body, began to rub slow circles on her abdomen. "You somehow managed to do on your own what it took four of us to do. You were so independent, it was... sexy." His hands teased at the edges of her clothing, slipping under them. "When you told us about Leo, I saw how passionately loyal and loving you were. My admiration grew when you saved Brennan. It was as if you would do anything for love yourself, but you wouldn't let those you loved do wrong. You don't realize it, but in the end, you saved Leo from himself, and he saved you from yourself. And even though it drove you crazy to see Brennan, you told him that once, and then let it go. You stayed, even though I'm sure you wanted to run away." They watched each other in the mirror, never breaking eye contact.  
  
"And then there was the thief. Do you have any idea how jealous you made me? I already knew part of me wanted you, but I didn't realize how much until then." His left hand slipped up, under her shirt, over her bra, and onto her breast. He slowly began to kneed her flesh while his other hand slipped down... his fingers lightly teasing her, tickling her without reaching between her legs. "If I had Brennan's powers that day, I would have killed that s.o.b. He was everything I wasn't and you wanted him."  
  
Lexa opened her mouth to explain. "It didn't mean anything Jesse."  
  
He nodded, kissing her ear, using his tongue to press that sensitive spot on her neck. "I know that now. You came back to us. I used to tell myself it was me you came back to. Even though you slept with him, I meant more to you. He was easy- but I cost you something. And," he smiled devilishly, teasing her flesh with a renewed purpose, "I made you cum in a way that no other man ever has."  
  
Her eyes had drifted closed under his sensual assault, but they shot open again at his words. "She told you."  
  
He could tell that Lexa was about to bolt, so he touched her core and kissed her neck. "Shh, stay. Easy now, easy." Almost immediately it became evident that his appeal to her physical desires was succeeding when Lexa let out a little whimper and lifted her hips into his hand unconsciously. "No one had to tell me anything- you did. I saw the shock on your face as you started to glow and flicker. When you started to pulse and the heat began to build," his ministrations intensified, "you were desperate with need- you were almost frightened by that need. And then when you came, and that light, that amazing light, like liquid heat just exploded out from you- I thought I had died and gone to heaven. From the look in your eye that first time it seems that you worried you had sent me there. Am I right? Hmmm? Were you worried that I couldn't take your... heat?"  
  
Lexa's hands opened and closed at her sides as she bit her lip in a failed effort to remain silent. The moan that escaped her was long, soft, and as rich as velvet. She never felt more like a woman than when she was with Jesse. She clenched her eyes shut and reached forward to brace herself against the bureau. She moaned again, this time in protest as Jesse's hands left her jeans and began to unbutton her top.  
  
"What, what is it Lexa? Tell me..." Jesse coxed, grinding himself against her sensitive bottom, pressing her into the bureau as he undressed her.  
  
"I'll do it- you – I need your hands on me." Lexa's voice was rich and sultry with her need. Her hands fumbled with the buttons, pushing his out of the way.  
  
"Mmm, no. That's enough." Jesse stopped her. He pulled her half unbuttoned shirt down her shoulders, pinning her arms to her sides. They both know it would be easy for her to get out, but the shirt provided just enough restriction to give Jesse the illusion of control. "Undo your pants," he whispered.  
  
Lexa obeyed as Jesse undid the front snap of her bra, exposing her breasts. She stilled as he licked her neck and fondled her breasts, lightly at first, alternating between feathery touches and a luxurious massage. When he took one into he gave her his thumb and pointer to suck on, she did so, imitating the oral pleasure he had given her on their first night together. She felt his pants fall, felt him tug her jeans down and push her thong aside. He took his fingers from her mouth and pinched her nipple slowly. She spread her legs and leaned forward, trying to prepare herself for his entrance. "Please Jesse. I need you."  
  
"I'm right here baby. Tell me what you need." She rubbed her ass into him, trying to tell him with her actions. "Tell me."  
  
"I need you, inside me." She moaned as he instantaneously complied.  
  
"Shhh—quiet baby. You don't want anyone to hear this, remember?" He teased rocking her faster, deeper.  
  
"God. I can't- I can't think" Lexa moaned. "Just please don't stop Jesse." She squeezed her inner muscles together around him, startling him so much that he lost his balance and they fell forward.  
  
After getting over the initial shock, they started to laugh. "You okay?" Jesse asked, stepping back carefully.  
  
"Yes," Lexa said pushing him back onto the bed. She kissed him gently and purred- "Why don't we play nice for a little while?" She shrugged out of her remaining clothes and pulled his shirt up over his head.  
  
"I thought we were playing nice?" Jesse said, looking up at her as she straddled him.  
  
"Mmm. Yeah, but you got to have all the fun being the boss."  
  
"Oh and now you're in charge?"  
  
"Exxxactly." Lexa leaned down and kissed him, her hair cascading over them. She kept things slow and sensuous for several minutes. Every time Jesse tried to elevate their intimacy, Lexa would shake her head and promise him that it would be worth the wait.  
  
When Lexa started to kiss a trail down his chest, Jesse tried to stop her. "Baby don't- I won't la-haaa."  
  
Lexa smiled up at him as she stroked him with her hand and kissed the length of him up and down. "Hmm? I thought you were famous for being rock hard?"  
  
"Lexa" Jesse moaned. "You don't have to-"  
  
"I want to." She smiled, almost shyly. With that Lexa began to show Jesse just how, ahem, deeply, she cared for him. It wasn't long before it was Jesse's turn to beg Lexa not to stop.  
  
Unfortunately, it was then that Brennan called Jesse over the com.  
  
"Jesse, buddy, you there?"  
  
Lexa slowly raised her self up long enough to whisper, "Don't answer Jess."  
  
Groaning Jesse looked at his ring, and back at Lexa who was getting ready to straddle him.  
  
"Jesse, it's kind of serious."  
  
"Ask him if it can wait." Lexa's kiss promised all sorts of delite.  
  
"What is it Brennan?" Jesse managed to choke out as he watched Lexa's head roll back as he touched her between her legs.  
  
"There's a message from the Dominion waiting for you marked urgent."  
  
"I'm kind of in the middle of something Brennan."  
  
"I.. ah... I know man, I'm sorry, but... it's making noise. Angry noises."  
  
"Ask for five minutes Jesse," Lexa eased herself onto him.  
  
He grabbed her hips, forcing her to be still. "It'll wait 10 minutes Brennan."  
  
Lexa arched an eyebrow and rocked forward.  
  
"I don't know Jess- it's getting louder. I'm really sorry."  
  
Jesse started to sweat in earnest as Lexa picked up her pace.  
  
Lexa twisted her ring on and in a tight, controlled voice, barked out, "Brennan?"  
  
"Uhh, yeah?" Brennan's unease evident.  
  
"Mute the goddamn computer." Lexa removed both her ring and his with her teeth and spit them across the room.  
  
"Should I be worried that you called another man's name out while making love to me?" Jesse asked, rolling her under him.  
  
"Mmm no. But you should be worried that the Dominion knows exactly what you're doing and why you're ignoring them."  
  
"Well then, I better make this count, hadn't I?" Jesse growled.  
  
"Please... please do."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Seven minutes later Jesse walks into the lab, his hair wet from his 45 second shower. "What do we got?"  
  
Brennan looks up at him shaking his head. "You're crazy Dawg."  
  
Jesse shrugs, looks at the computer and rubs his hands together. Turning the volume on, he opens the message.  
  
Instantly the bearded man pops up onto the screen. "So nice of you to spare me a moment of your time."  
  
Rubbing his neck, Jesse coughs. "You caught me at a bad time."  
  
"I know exactly when I caught you. I'm not sure what surprised me more, that she decided to play house with you, or that you ignored me for as long as you did. Or did your resolve not... last?"  
  
"What did you want?"  
  
"To tell you not to distract Lexa Pierce."  
  
"She's a big girl, she can make decisions for herself."  
  
"For some reason she seems to make poor ones when it comes to you."  
  
"I'll take that as a complement." Jesse looks up at the sound of heals clicking thru the room.  
  
"I'm not finished with you young man!" The shadowy figure voicing his displeasure at being ignored.  
  
"What does he want Jesse?" Lexa asked, wrapping her arms around him in view of the monitor.  
  
"Lexa. Don't do this," the voice growled.  
  
"You don't get to make my choices on this one." She handed Jesse his ring. "You left this in my room."  
  
"Lexa, you're risking everything for this... boy. It's one thing to sleep with him, it's another to get emotionally involved. It's clouding your judgment."  
  
"Look just because it's not politically advantageous for me to be sleeping with Jesse, doesn't mean my judgment is clouded. I'm not going to apologize for this. One Carter a lifetime is more than enough."  
  
"Might I remind you what happened the last time you chose someone of your own to become emotionally involved with?"  
  
"Shut up, alright, shut up. I get it. I'll stop. But for the record you and I both know that what happened then was not my fault, or his, and I'm not going to let you manipulate me into thinking it was. Not now, not ever again."  
  
"As long as we are in agreement, there won't be any need for me to revisit the past." The screen went dark.  
  
"Did you- did you just break up with me?" Jesse crossed his arms and stared in disbelief at Lexa's retreating form.  
  
To his surprise, instead of running to her room, or out of the station, she sat down on a couch and stared at the ceiling. "I'm... asking you to understand that I'm in a very difficult position here." She sighed. "You see, I'm not as 'strong' and 'independent' as you think I am."  
  
"What was he talking about? And why bother to address the message to me and not to you, when obviously it was you he really wanted to talk to?" Jesse asked, sitting across from her on the coffee table.  
  
"I had already hung up on him right before we had our last argument. I guess he wanted to make sure you were there when he tried again."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Does it matter? It worked, didn't it?" Lexa tilted her head to the left, then right, cracking it both times. "God, I can't believe this is happening." She shook her finger at him. "This, this is why I slept with Blake. To avoid this sort of thing. He never feels the need to interfere when it helps the Dominion, does he?"  
  
"You're avoiding my question Lexa. Why did he want me there?"  
  
"To use you as leverage, so I'd cave in and stop seeing you."  
  
"What is it that you didn't want him to talk about in front of me?"  
  
"I can't tell you. And not just because I don't want to, which obviously, I don't, but because I'm sure he's still listening. Listen Jesse, please, try to understand, for the past 15 years my life has been anything but simple. I do care about you, I swear."  
  
"Just not enough."  
  
"No, not enough. There are times Jesse, where what I want, and what I need don't count, not even a little bit, and this is one of those times."  
  
"What about what I want or need?"  
  
"We haven't been together- if you can even call it that- for that long. In a few days you'll be over it. It's time to cut bait Jesse, I'm sorry."  
  
"Who is that man? Why does he have such power over you?"  
  
Looking surprised, Lexa smiled a smile laced with irony. "You don't know?"  
  
Jesse shook his head numbly.  
  
"Well I think he owes you that much." She leaned forward to whisper in his ear.  
  
The computer screen sprang to life and the bearded man interrupted her. "Lexa, don't even think about it."  
  
Leaning back, she rolled her eyes. "Don't you ever get tired of playing Gipetto?"  
  
"I wouldn't have to if you'd just grow up and start acting your age."  
  
"Gee, I'm sorry, you see I'm not a real girl, but a puppet. I don't know how to act my age, all I do is perform."  
  
"Just who the hell are you?" Jesse leapt toward the monitor, his frustration quickly turning to rage. The screen went blank and he found himself alone in the room. "Lexa? Lexa?"  
  
* * * * 


	5. Chapter 5

For the next few days things at Sanctuary were particularly tense. Jesse tried to talk to Lexa about what had happened between them at least a half dozen times a day, everyday for a week. After the first time he brought it up when the four of them were having dinner together Lexa stopped eating with the team. She made sure they were never alone in the same room, and skipped any training sessions where they had been scheduled to spar together.  
If he tried to talk to her about a mission or something team related, she'd act as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them. When he tried to touch her, she'd pull away, or side step him. He brought her flowers and left them in her room, but within minutes of leaving them there he'd find them either in front of his door or in other places that Lexa didn't spend much time in.  
  
On the morning of the eighth day, Shalimar's knocks on his door woke him up. He answered the door, groggy and disheveled. "Yeah?"  
  
"Jesse, she's gone."  
  
Startled, Jesse straightened. He looked at Shalimar, trying to read her body language while his mind raced thru the possibilities. "Where, when? Did she leave a note? Is her stuff still here?"  
  
Taking him by the arm, the feral tried to sooth him. "Calm down Jess. She took the jeep about 2 hours ago. From the looks of the security tapes she had a bag with her and a big box. It looks like most of her stuff is still in her room, but I can't tell. She didn't have a lot here to begin with."  
  
"Does she have her com ring on? Have you tried it?" Jesse turned his on quickly, and called out her name. "Lexa? Are you there? Lexa- answer me goddamn it."  
  
Shalimar held up Lexa's ring slowly, and handed it to Jesse. "I found it in the training room, by the bag."  
  
"Did she say anything to you before she left? Anything to Brennan?" Jesse ran his fingers thru his hair in a desperate attempt to stay calm. "Do you know if she got any calls from the Dominion this morning or last night?"  
  
"I didn't see her this morning- we were supposed to spar later this afternoon, but I wanted to go into town to get some groceries then. I was looking for her to see if we could do it this morning instead. Brennan took the Helix this morning to put some flight time in."  
  
"Brennan?" Jesse called to the elemental as he started reviewing the security tapes and the communications logs.  
  
"Yeah bro, what is it?"  
  
"This is very important- when was the last time you talked to Lexa?"  
  
The tall mutant didn't answer right away as he tried to think back.  
  
"Brennan, are you there? Lexa's missing, and she left her ring." The desperation oozed from Jesse's voice.  
  
"I'm sorry man, I was just trying to think. We talked briefly yesterday after our training session, but she didn't say anything important. We were in sim room 2, there should be a tape."  
  
Not bothering to respond, Jesse pulled up the feed from the session and searched for their conversation.  
  
L: "You're getting pretty quick there Bren, that was a nice hustle."  
  
B: "Maybe you're just getting old Lexa. Another minute there and you wouldn't have completed the sim."  
  
L: "Whatever Brennan, I got the job done. That's all that matters."  
  
B: "A little finesse doesn't hurt."  
  
L: Shrugs and takes a long drink of water.  
  
B: "So... you and Jesse work things out yet?"  
  
L: Shakes her head. "There's nothing to work out. I let things get out of hand for a while, but it's over. We're like oil and water. Don't really mix."  
  
B: "Are you sure it's not more like oil & vinegar? Those two go really well together when you shake things up a little."  
  
L: Doesn't say anything for a moment as she fixes her shoe lace. "Jesse deserves better Brennan, we both know that. For now, just leave it alone, please?"  
  
B: "He's miserable Lexa, you've got to see that."  
  
L: "Please Brennan. Stirring things up won't make him any less miserable. We both just need our space."  
  
the two left the room & the tape ends.  
  
"SHIT!" Jesse said hitting the counter.  
  
"What?" Shalimar asks, coming to his side quickly. "What was on the  
tape?"  
  
"She said we needed our space. Do you think she actually left? Why  
now?"  
  
"I don't know Jesse. Did you find any communications?"  
  
"There's a four minute one that came in last night to her terminal. It's encrypted of course, but the encryption has the Dominion's signature pattern all over it."  
  
"So it was probably the Beard?"  
  
Jesse nods and pounds the desk again. "I don't know what to do Shal. It was bad enough when she was ignoring me. At least she was here then. She didn't even leave a note."  
  
Tentatively, Shalimar made a suggestion. "The last time we needed to reach the Dominion, Brennan shorted out fuse in something- I don't know what- but within 5 seconds, the Beard was on the screen harassing him about it. You could try something like that."  
  
Jesse turned to face her and asked softly, "Do you think he'd actually tell me anything? He's made it pretty clear that he's not a big fan." Rubbing his temple, he felt like putting his fist thru the computer monitor when he saw Shalimar's face light up.  
  
From behind him, he heard Lexa's voice call out, "A little help here would be nice." He turned around to see her carrying her duffle and two big brown bags of groceries. Jumping up, he ran to her.  
  
As she put the bags on the counter, he took her in his arms and kissed her. Startled, she froze, then kissed him back tentatively for a moment before trying to break the kiss. He wouldn't have it. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her with all the pent up frustration from the past week.  
  
When he finally let her go, Lexa collapsed slightly against the counter, her hand accidentally making contact with an orphaned glass of water. Jesse couldn't suppress a self-satisfied grin when the water started to boil, then evaporated completely in mere seconds.  
  
Clearing her throat, Lexa looked over to Shalimar, avoiding Jesse's gaze completely. "I guess I ah, I should get the groceries more often."  
  
"That's where you went?" Shalimar asked as she gave the brunet a quick hug. "We- I- thought you took off."  
  
Looking perplexed, Lexa started to put the groceries away. "What made you think that?"  
  
"You left your ring, it was Shalimar's turn to make the run, you didn't leave a note, you were gone for nearly two and a half hours, you got a call from the Beard last night that you didn't mention-"Jesse listed, using his fingers to count off each point.  
  
"I get it, I get it, I'm sorry. Next time I'll wear the ring and leave a note." Lexa laughed. "Don't just stand there Jesse, there are two more bags in the jeep." Jesse looked like he was going to continue his rant, but the sight of Lexa smiling at him melted his resistance and he went without further protest.  
  
Shalimar handed Lexa her ring. "He was freaking out Lexa. He's got it bad for you."  
  
Slipping it on, Lexa watched Jesse's retreating form. "I know," she said softly. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I shouldn't have..." Clearing her throat Lexa opened the freezer, "there are a lot of things I shouldn't have done."  
  
"I still don't understand why you can't be together. You obviously care about him, and we both know he cares about you. All he's told me is that you were resistant from the start, but that he thought you were going to give it a try until the Beard stepped in."  
  
"When did you start calling him the Beard?" Lexa asked as Shalimar handed her some microwave pizza bagels.  
  
"I don't know, Jesse called him that to Brennan when the two of them were drowning Jesse's sorrows and the name just stuck. You can't tell me that you're happy about this. I know you've given Jess crap for his fondness for the pizza bagels on at least three occasions, and here you've bought him two boxes. In fact," Shalimar said as she surveyed the things that Lexa bought, "Jesse loves almost everything here- and you never eat this stuff. This is all Jesse food." Shalimar arched her brow at Lexa accusatorily.  
  
"I got things you and Brennan like too." Lexa sniffed defensively.  
  
"But nothing you like."  
  
"I haven't been hungry recently."  
  
Shalimar watched Lexa watch Jesse return with the other two bags. She'd have to report that back to Jesse. She had a feeling that if Jesse asked Lexa to eat more, Lexa would, even if it wasn't with Jesse by her side.  
  
"So what was in the box?" Jesse asked as he put the bags down.  
  
"Excuse me?" Lexa asked, confused.  
  
"The box you took with you this morning," Shalimar explained, "When we couldn't find you, I watched the security tape to look for clues."  
  
"Oh. I took some of the flowers Jesse brought home to the maternity ward down at County. It's Mother's Day." Lexa tried to act nonchalant. "I guess I should have asked you about it first, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings. They were so beautiful, I thought that someone should enjoy them."  
  
The tension was almost more than Shalimar could bear. She wasn't Lexa's biggest fan, but once in a while, she was pleasantly surprised by the new addition. "That was sweet Lexa. Why did you choose them?" Shalimar watched as Lexa and Jesse stared at each other, Jesse unwilling and Lexa unable to break eye contact.  
  
Slowly Lexa turned to her. "I remembered seeing a group of teen mothers at the grocery store the last time I was down there. They were on some sort of field trip to learn how to find healthy, affordable food for themselves and their babies. The girls just looked so lost and alone." Lexa paused for a moment, seemingly debating whether to go on. "I know how the flowers made me feel the first time Jesse put them in my room." She glanced at Jesse, and continued. "I don't have a right to feel comforted by them anymore, but I thought that these girls- they could use some of that comfort, especially today. So I took the flowers to them. Maybe they'll feel special, they'll feel loved."  
  
Jesse nodded, unable to speak. He swallowed once, twice, and then a third time before he could finally force any words out. "I'm sure they'll really appreciate it. It was a good idea Lexa."  
  
Lexa shrugged, playing it off. "Eh, I thought so. I'm sure the Beard would think it was stupid."  
  
Jesse, who had been in the middle of drinking some soda, spurt it into the sink. "Who taught you that?"  
  
Guiltily Shalimar raised her hand. "It's just so catchy Jesse. It just slipped out."  
  
"I'm going to have to be careful not to call him that to his face," Lexa said, taking a sip of Jesse's soda.  
  
"Hey what did he want last night?" Shalimar asked, filing the soda incident into her catalogue of Lexa-Jesse intimacies.  
  
"It was another 'don't fish in the company pond' pep talks." Lexa sighed and handed Jesse his soda back.  
  
Shalimar watched as a cringing Jesse held his ground. She felt like an organizer of a chess match- some what superfluous to the actual event, but never the less necessary to ensure that the event took place. "I thought the problem wasn't that you two worked together so much as he was afraid you'd develop actual feelings for each other."  
  
Jesse nodded. "That's what it sounded like to me."  
  
Lexa rolled her eyes. "It's complicated."  
  
Shalimar raised her eyebrow again. "It can't be any more complicated than being apart. You barely eat and he barely sleeps."  
  
Lexa tapped the counter lightly with the fingers of her left hand. "That's not true. Jesse and I were like an out of control roller coaster. We're just lucky that we didn't have any jobs to do during that time. Can you imagine how distracting that would have been, even for you and Brennan? At least now I can have a civilized conversation with Jesse without launching something at his head or trying to jump his bones."  
  
"But you're not talking to me. Everything you say is directed to Shalimar. You're only comfortable discussing this at all because she's here and therefore we can't end up in bed." Jesse's words were harsh, but his tone gentle, almost pleading.  
  
Looking directly at him, Lexa spoke slowly. "I'm trying my best here Jesse. One of the reasons the Beard didn't want this to happen is because I'm not very good at it. I don't share well, I don't play nice with others- unless there's something in it for me. I'm trying really hard to be decent about this. I haven't yelled, I haven't struck out at you irrationally. I've made sure to pull my weight, if not more, around Sanctuary. I've made sure not to put us into situations where I might relapse-"  
  
"I'm not some disease Lexa." Jesse spat out.  
  
Glancing at Shalimar, Lexa nodded in agreement. "You're right, you're not. Look, this isn't fair to Shalimar. I'd say let's go somewhere to finish this discussion, but you have to realize by now that no matter how much we talk about it, I am not in a position where I can change my mind. So please Jesse, don't make this harder on either of us than it already is. You may not be a disease but being with you is like a drug, and I don't have the luxury of enjoying the high nor the strength of will to go thru withdrawal again."  
  
"Lexa... baby please..." Jesse begged- reaching out to touch her.  
  
"Jesse, don't. Tell me now if my being here is too much for you, because if it is, the Dominion has someone they can rotate in. I want to stay, but if that's not going to work, I've been offered a position in Brazil. I wasn't going to tell you about it- I didn't think it was necessary, but maybe it is. Anyway I have till midnight to accept, which I guess leaves you 12 hours to discuss it." Hearing the door from the hanger open and shut, Lexa glanced over to see Brennan entering the room. "Now that Brennan's here, maybe the three of you will want to talk about it. The candidate's resume is on my desktop, feel free to download it and take a look." Picking up her now empty duffel, Lexa swung it over her shoulder and started to leave. "Just let me know when you make your decision. I'll have my ring on this time."  
  
"What's going on?" Brennan looked from person to person as Lexa walked away.  
  
"Lexa- wait. Lexa!" Jesse called after her.  
  
Before he could go after Lexa, Shalimar grabbed his wrist. "She's serious Jesse. We really need to talk about this." Turning to Brennan, Shalimar guided Jesse to the lab, motioning for Brennan to follow. "Come on, I'll fill you in the lab." 


	6. Chapter 6

Lexa wanted to go to her room and cry. Better yet, she wanted to go to Springfield and cry. Neither was an option. Instead she stopped by the lab to pick up the numbers she was working on and headed to the hanger to work on the computer there. She didn't want to be around while the three of them discussed her future. She hadn't known what to say when the Dominion had contacted her last night with their proposal. Frankly she wasn't sure how much the Beard was telling the Council. She had a feeling they knew little, if anything, about her relationship with Jesse. She knew how Council worked- the Beard wouldn't risk his position by revealing that he was having a difficult time controlling her. Looking at the clock, she wondered how long they would take talking it over. She knew she was making progress with the team, but part of her was still worried. Jesse would probably want her around, but if he didn't Brennan and Shalimar would vote her off the island without a second thought. Their ability to work together as a team was the biggest issue here, with safety being priority one. Unfortunately Beard was right- when it came to Jesse, Lexa knew her judgment was altered. She just didn't know in what way. None of that mattered at all though. She knew Jesse was surprised when she'd broken it off at Beard's insistence, but she didn't have any other choice. She had promised herself a long time ago that if she was given a chance, she'd do everything she could to protect what she had been given, and she wasn't about to go back on that. She had failed Leo, but she wouldn't fail again. For a full hour Lexa managed to put everything out of her mind and concentrate on entering data. She wasn't so foolish as to try to analyze it right now, but at least some progress was being made. At two she decided to take a break. She allowed herself to think back to how she'd handled the situation with Jesse and the Beard once more. She was confident that she had been as fair to Jesse as she could. She knew also that she had shown just enough back bone so that Beard probably still thought he had the upper hand. It was important that she give him that illusion of power. When a member of the Council felt outgunned, they did what any good soldier would do- search for weakness. Beard knew more about her than anyone else alive did, yet to her knowledge, he did not know about Springfield, or why it was so important to her. Unfortunately, he had all the pieces of the puzzle. She could not afford for him to pursue the matter. Lexa glanced at the clock again- suddenly it was a quarter after 3. She wasn't hungry, but she knew she had to keep her strength up, so she headed back to the kitchen. She looked thru the fridge- nothing appealed to her. In the pantry there was everything she needed to make smores, but in case the Dominion was watching, she opted out of that particular comfort food. Nothing says "I'm insecure" more effectively than a childhood favorite food. In the back of the cupboard she found some chocolate pudding mix and settled on that. The box said she'd have to leave it in the fridge for five minutes after she made it in order for it to set. She could probably get away with making it and forgetting it in the fridge- that way she wouldn't need to eat any of it. Jesse, Shalimar and Brennan entered the kitchen as Lexa was opening the package and pouring it into the mixing bowl. She glanced at them and poured the milk. "I'll only be a minute, then I'll be out of your hair." Brennan shook his head- "Stay." Lexa turned to face them as she stirred- "No, seriously, I'll be done in a sec, it's no problem. The pudding has to set anyway." Shalimar smiled and put her hand on Lexa's shoulder. "No, what we mean is we want you to stay. We looked at that other mutant's profile. She sounds really boring. There's no way she'd be any fun to have a cat fight with." "Are you sure? I mean she can levitate and move things with her mind and I think I saw in there that she's a certified personal trainer, not to mention gourmet chef with a doctorate in nuclear physics and bio engineering." Lexa was careful not to make eye contact with Jesse as she put the pudding in the fridge. "She's also 19, butt ugly and a Republican. I mean come on." Jesse forced out, trying to lighten the mood. "How am I supposed to fall for a barely legal Republican?" "Jesse, I'm a Republican." Lexa argued, exasperated. "See- once bitten, twice shy." Jesse joked.  
"Besides," Shalimar interjected, "We already called the Beard and told him we wanted to keep you and that Brazil can kiss our asses."  
"Not in those exact words I hope." Lexa laughed, relieved.  
"I believe there was some swearing involved." Brennan said with a straight face. "Nothing you wouldn't approve of."  
"You do realize that man can make all of our lives a living hell, don't you?" Lexa ran her fingers thru her hair, then leaned on the counter, enjoying the moment.  
"Oh I know, believe me, I know." Jesse said, shoving his hands in his pockets and moving closer to her. "I'm thinking of sending the next water bill. You don't want to know how many cold showers I've had to take, and will have to continue to take this month."  
Lexa looked at him tenderly. "Hey, I can't help it if I'm unforgettable."  
"Um, you guys, I thought we were going to get passed the flirting." Brennan stepped between the two of them and physically separating them.  
"Well actually... I have this idea." Shalimar raised her hand, not to be forgotten. When they all turned toward her, she winked and then continued. "I say we set up a schedule so the two of you know were the other is at all times- and you just avoid each other for a month or so. Brennan and I can baby-sit."  
Brennan winked too. "You know, that probably isn't a bad idea, but before we get started, I say we have a picnic out by Sector C to celebrate." He motioned for them to take off their rings- "I'm going to go get changed, what do you say we meet here in 5?"  
"Actually," Lexa said, motioning for them to stop, and leave their rings on. "I don't think we really need to change. I was just in the hanger- it's not that cold outside. I can grab us some vests or wind breakers while you three pack."  
"I don't know Lexa, Shalimar is pretty sensitive to the cold...." Brennan frowned. "I think maybe-"  
"Trust me Brennan, she'll be fine." Lexa shook her head. "I know you're just looking out for the team- but give a girl some credit, will you?  
Jesse looked from person to person, both amused and intrigued. "My vote's with Lexa's idea."  
Rolling her eyes Shalimar replied drolly, "That's the freaking problem Jesse. Get over it already."  
The four of them burst out laughing and started their respective tasks.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Thirty minutes later and all four of them are out of range of Sanctuary's surveillance equipment, and tucked warmly into jackets and vests that Lexa has provided. Catching their attention, Lexa zipped the vest up, and buttoned one of the pockets closed, motioning for them to do the same.  
When they had complied, Lexa spoke. "It would have been suspicious for all of us to leave our rings. The jackets are set up to provide different levels of interference. Right now we're all on the radar, but no sound is being transmitted. Other settings will project your location as being the Helix, or Sanctuary- or anyplace else on the planet for that matter."  
"So say you wanted to go to France, if you were wearing this vest, they'd think you were still in bed." Jesse asked, remembering back to their walk.  
"Yes. If they were watching, the video feed would show you getting back into bed and loop back into old copy of you." Lexa explained as they walked along further. "Right now, they're hearing a remixed discussion spliced together from four months worth of conversations."  
"When do you have time to secretly build these gizmos?" Shalimar wondered out loud.  
"No comment." Lexa laughed. "So what is it that you wanted to talk about?"  
"I want you to tell us what he has on you. And I want to tell them about the last walk we took," Jesse announced.  
"No," Lexa replied calmly.  
"If you tell us what it is, then you don't have to be afraid of him holding it over you anymore," Brennan argued.  
"It's not my secret to tell, and telling you even part of it is asking for trouble. I shouldn't have taken you with me the last time Jesse. I basically created a loose end when I did. If enough loose ends exist, it's pretty easy to trace everything back to that secret, and like I said, it isn't mine to tell." Lexa tried to stay calm, but her heart was racing. "My grandfather is a hard man. If he knew you knew something, he'd stop at nothing to find out what it was, and then eliminate you."  
"Hold up, who said anything about family here,' Brennan asked, "I thought we were talking about the Beard blackmailing you?"  
Lexa patiently explained, "The Beard IS my grandfather- my mother's father."  
"Let me get this straight, the reason why you have an in with the Dominion is because you're related to one of their head honchos?" Shalimar paced, trying to get a grasp on the situation.  
Lexa nodded. "One of the reasons my parents volunteered for the original experiment was because my grandfather was part of the team that initiated it. Adam may have been the brains behind the science, but my grandfather helped set up the trials."  
Jesse slammed his fist into a near by tree, surprising the others. "This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?"  
Again, Lexa nodded. "That's why it's so important for this to end with me."  
Folding his arms, Brennan turned to Lexa. "So why did he let what happened to Leo happen? If he's so well connected, he could have protected him, got him more help than you ever could."  
"Leo... was a liability. I remember my mother once saying that you're only as strong as your weakest link. Leo was my grandfather's weakest link. You have to understand that my family is... was... military, born and bred. Leo could have been an amazing asset to an espionage division, but instead he... was a lover, not a fighter. When Leo got sick, I made a deal with my grandfather- I would follow in the family business, if he would leave Leo out of it."  
"But Leo's dead, you don't have to do anything for that man anymore," Jesse interjected. "There's no reason why we can't be together. The only person you need to protect now is yourself."  
Shaking her head, Lexa disagreed. "I've told you, it's not that simple. There are things you don't know about- can't know about which complicate the situation."  
"Who are you trying to protect Lexa?" Shalimar asked softly. "This isn't about money, or power, or family loyalty, so that means it has to be about a person."  
Suddenly the pieces fell into place for Jesse. "That man- the last man you chose for yourself- this has something to do with him, doesn't it?"  
"Jesse, please- just stop, all right? I can't talk about this, especially not with you." Lexa stared at him, begging with her eyes as well as her words.  
"What happened to him Lexa? Whatever it was, it must have been awful, but you said yourself you knew it wasn't your fault." Jesse reached for her, but she took a step back. 


	7. Chapter 7

"I think you're on to something Jess," Brennan said, watching Lexa carefully. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but Lexa sure as hell does."  
  
"Neither of you know what you're talking about, so why don't you just shut up?" Lexa spat angrily. "I've asked you nicely, and I'm not asking again. Leave it alone."  
  
Approaching with her hands raised slightly in a non-threatening manner, Shalimar tried to coax more information from the wild eyed burnet. "Who was he Lexa? What happened? Did the Dominion-"  
  
Without warning Lexa threw a burst of energy at a tree directly behind Shalimar. "That, was my last warning. We. Are. NOT. Talking. About. This." Lexa's hands glowed at the ready. "You have your secrets, let me have mine."  
  
"Now just calm down Lexa, you don't want to do this," Jesse said, stepping between the two women.  
  
"Yeah Lexa, you know you can't take all of us," Brennan argued, though he walked quickly to Shalimar's side, just in case.  
  
"Maybe, maybe not." Lexa's eyes flashed with anger, and perhaps a touch of fear.  
  
Never one to back down from a challenge, Brennan's own fingers started to spark. "He can't be worth dying for Alexa."  
  
"Some things have no price Brennan. For some reason I thought you might get that- honor among thieves and all that." Lexa's response reflected her determination.  
  
"Whatever that was, it's over Lexa. The Dominion screwed you once, don't let them do it again," Jesse pleaded.  
  
Lexa's resolve seemed to crumble for a second as she looked over at Jesse. "It isn't over Jesse, don't you get it? It may never be over and part of me, this stupid, selfish and pride-filled part of me is glad. Some days..." Lexa wipes the tears from her face with one arm. "I failed Leo, but I won't fail at this, not when it was my mistake, my choices that brought me here. If you can't understand that- if you can't accept that- then I'm sorry Jesse."  
  
"I can't accept it because you won't tell me what it is I need to accept. You're asking me to pay the price for something that I don't honestly believe was even your fault." Jesse took a step closer. "You're hiding behind this Lexa, and I want to know why."  
  
Shalimar's voice was soft, almost sympathetic, when she chimed in, "Maybe she's afraid."  
  
"Whatever it is Lexa, we can help you. We want to help you." Brennan's unsolicited support surprised them all.  
  
"Does this have something to do with our walk?" Jesse asked. "Was he from there? Is that why you go back there? Is he the friend who told you about that place."  
  
"Give the boy a prize." Lexa's voice was bitter. "Now, see, if we all stand around and talk about it, see how bloody quickly the truth starts to come out? What do you think if we have a group of mad geneticists talk about it for an hour? Do you think they'll figure the whole thing out if the freak shows can figure it out? Those are innocent people Jesse. I won't let you bring them into this. I'm not worth it and neither are you." Lexa's hand filled with light once more, but without warning, Brennan tossed a bolt so powerful at her that she flew 20 yards.  
  
"No!" Jesse ran toward Lexa, his eyes filling with tears. "Talk to me Lexa. Brennan you asshole, what the hell were you thinking?" He fell to his knees next to her but was unable to touch her because residual sparks were jumping off her vest.  
  
"I was thinking she was going to burn your ass," Brennan said defensively. "It was a necessary preventative measure."  
  
"Is she breathing Jesse?" Shalimar asked as she and Brennan walked up behind him.  
  
"I don't know- I think so. Brennan she's still jumping. How much did you hit her with?"  
  
"I didn't throw enough at her to kill her Jesse, Worst case she takes a long nap, but she should be fine." The tall mutant kneeled besides the prone girl. He held his hand over her, absorbing the left over electricity.  
  
"I shouldn't have pushed her- I shouldn't have brought up that gu-"  
  
Lexa's arm shot up and her hand wrapped around Jesse's neck. "Sparky shorted it out. Watch it." Her voice was hoarse and reedy.  
  
"Are you okay?" Jesse croaked, loosening her fingers.  
  
"Should be... fine but... so tired. Nap sounds good Brennan. Careful Jesse... Sparky might take your... title." Lexa tried to sit up but collapsed almost immediately.  
  
"Yeah?" Jesse said, his voice tight, "What title is that?"  
  
"Boy... Genius," Lexa rasped. "Brennan?"  
  
"Yeah Lexa?" Brennan answered softly, looking up at his team mates worriedly, and then back down at Lexa.  
  
"Lucky shot. Next time... I'll be ready... 2 out of 3... Okay?"  
  
"I'm not sure I'll be available Lexa. I think Jesse might kick my ass for this," Brennan joked hollowly.  
  
Lexa started to laugh, but the laughter was soon drowned out by a violent coughing fit. Looking up at Jesse, she stroked his face. "I want to... I want to..." Each time Lexa started to speak, another wave of coughing would roll over her body, each progressively more severe until flecks of blood emerged. "I want to... pass out now." She looks up at Brennan, her eyes tightening up. "Help me Brennan."  
  
"Lexa, no- lexa, if you hit your head, you can't go to sleep." Jesse tried to argue with her- he grabbed her as if to shake her but released her instantly. He'd only touched her for a split second, but both his hands were red with blood. "Noooooo! Lexa, stay with me. Lexa!"  
  
Pushing Jesse back, Brennan had to shout over his hysterical friend so that Shalimar could hear him. "Hold him Shalimar."  
  
Nodding, Shalimar grabbed Jesse and yanked him backwards. "Jesse- we need to get back to the lab. We need to clear off the table so we can help Lexa. Jesse! Listen to me Jesse, I need you to calm down so you can help me help Lexa."  
  
Jesse stood mutely, watching Brennan lean over Lexa and nod, as she whispered to the tall man. Looking up, Brennan wiped his face before telling Shalimar to get Jesse out of there. "You don't want to see this man. Get back to Sanctuary and get the medical supplies ready."  
  
Shalimar used all her considerable strength to push Jesse in the right direction. Luckily she managed to get Jesse out of the clearing and running before Brennan zapped Lexa again, stopping her heart and rendering her unconscious.  
  
With Lexa passed out, Brennan rolled her over, careful not injure her further. He found the base of the large chunk of a fallen tree branch upon which Lexa had impaled herself when she fell. The force of the original blast had driven the branch thru a gap in her ribs, puncturing a lung. Realizing that she would probably bleed out before they could get her back, Lexa had told Brennan to stop her heart and cauterize the wound. With out her heart working against her by pumping the blood from her body, Lexa had argued, they'd have more time.  
  
Completing the Mutant X version of first aide, Brennan carefully lifted Lexa in his arms and sprinted back to Sanctuary. Turning the vest off, Brennan had called Shalimar over the com and told her to pull up all the information she could on how to treat a punctured lung. When he got there Shalimar and Jesse had already cleared and sterilized a table in the lab. Laying her face down, Brennan stepped back so that the other two could try to save her.  
  
When they had done all they could, Jesse looked up at Brennan and nodded. Brennan stood over Lexa, and for the third time in less than an hour, shocked her. Fortunately, she responded instantaneously- her hear began to beat on its own, and she started breathing again.  
  
"What now?" Brennan asked.  
  
"Now... we wait," Shalimar replied.  
  
"Go short out one of the computers again Brennan," Jesse said, slowly.  
  
"What?" Shalimar looked up, surprised. "She wouldn't want you to contact him."  
  
"Well she's not awake to stop me, is she? We need a doctor to come out here and look her over." Jesse picked up a pile of bloody rags and the remains of lexa's clothing and dumped them in the garbage. "We can't exactly walk into an emergency room, so we'll do what we have to in order to get a doctor here."  
  
Nodding, Brennan slid under a nearby console and began to tinker. Before he could remove the cover of the CPU, the Beard appeared on the attached monitor.  
  
"I thought we discussed how this was an inappropriate means of contacting the Dominion," the Beard announced.  
  
"She's been hurt. She punctured a lung- she's lost a lot of blood. We did our best to treat her, but she should have professional medical attention," Jesse said in lieu of an introduction.  
  
"I already have someone en route. Is that all?" the Beard asked.  
  
Jesse bit his tongue and remained silent. The screen went black.  
  
An hour later and the doctor had not yet arrived. Sitting, holding her hand, Jesse rubbed his temple. Lexa was burning up and was now mumbling in a fever induced delirium. Twice he'd heard the name "Jaime." He was beginning to worry.  
  
"Jaime- are ye mad?" Lexa asked in her burr. "I dinna have a choice, ye know that right?"  
  
She was looking right at him, but Jesse knew she didn't see him. "I'm not mad Lexa. You should rest. Hush now."  
  
Lexa squeezed his hand. "He's so tall now- you'd be so proud. He looks just like you. Four years old- a little terror." Lexa tried to laugh, but started to cough.  
  
Jesse stood, taking his hand from hers to go get some morphine.  
  
"Jaime, don't go. Not again. I couldn'a bear it." Lexa pleaded with the ghost.  
  
"I'm just going to get you something to help you relax Lexa." Jesse soothed. "I'm right here."  
  
"I've missed you so much. It should have been me. I didn'a want this. First you, then Leo. You'll take good care of him, won't you?" Lexa asked.  
  
Jesse nodded, swallowing hard as he prepared the syringe.  
  
"I can't hear you anymore love. Sometimes I dream- and I don't see your face. It hurts so much. I donn'a want to be alone." Lexa was crying now- out loud, Jesse realized. In the last turbulent week and a half he'd never heard her sobs. Thinking back, he hadn't heard them after Leo died either.  
  
"You have Jesse now Lexa." Jesse said quietly. "You don't have to be alone anymore."  
  
Lexa smiled. "He's beautiful Jaime. He reminds me of you. You'd like him, I know you would. I took him home with me. We ate at your sister's café."  
  
"You had French toast." Jesse slid the needle into her arm and emptied the syringe.  
  
"Of course. You know I love Anna's French toast." Lexa's voice became sleepy. "I thought I could be with him Jaime. I started to fall in love with him. But he doesn't approve. I can't jeopardize JJ. It's not safe for him yet."  
  
Perking up, Jesse realized that JJ was the key. 'Lexa," Jesse said urgently, wanting the truth so desperately he could taste it. He took her hand again, but paused when he touched the cold metal of the ring. He couldn't ask her, not now. It wasn't safe.  
  
"Yes love?" Lexa mumbled.  
  
"I... I love you Lexa." Jesse whispered.  
  
Lexa smiled, her eyes drifting closed. "I love you too Jaime. I wish... I wish we were still married."  
  
Married. Jesse froze. Jesus. Married.  
  
* * * * 


	8. chapter 8

Shortly after Lexa passed out, the Dominion's doctor arrived, escorted by three thugs. Jesse watched as the doctor examined her, while Brennan and Shalimar kept an eye on the hired guns. Removing the bandages, the doctor pulled off her gloves and held her hand over the wound, which began to heal quickly. When Lexa began to stir, the doctor covered her with a blanket and turned to Jesse. "She'll be fine. The three of you did a fine job; she would probably have been up on her own two feet in about a week. I'd say she should take it easy for a few days, no working out, and things like that, but she'll be good to go by the weekend."  
  
Jesse sighed with relief, and smiled. "Thank you, doctor."  
  
The doctor smiled and signaled to her companions that it was time to go. Brennan and Shalimar escorted them out while Jesse stood by Lexa and stroked her hair. He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, which teased a smile from the sleepy invalid.  
  
Stretching like a cat, Lexa yawned. "Hi," Lexa said softly, sitting up and holding the blanket to her chest.  
  
"Hi baby," Jesse grinned. "I missed you." He pulled her closer to him and kissed her again.  
  
Kissing him back, Lexa put her arms over his shoulders and played with the hair at the base of his neck. "I missed you too." Her kisses were lazy but sensual. Slowly they began to heat up, but not so quickly that they didn't hear the discrete coughing of their fellow team members announcing their return. Pulling back carefully, Lexa held the blanket in place with one hand and waived with the other.  
  
"You gave us quite the scare there Lexa," Shalimar said as she sauntered in.  
  
"Yeah, I mean if you wanted to change the subject, you could have just said so," Brennan said dryly.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Lexa smirked. "Well, you know me. Always have to be the center of attention." Tying the sheet over one shoulder in a make shift toga, Lexa stood up cautiously. "How long was I out?" she asked, leaning on Jesse while she tried to get her balance.  
  
"About two hours. The doctor the Beard sent over just left. She said you should be fine." Jesse slipped an arm under Lexa, absorbing some of her weight. "No working out for the next few days though."  
  
Shaking her head, Lexa winced as she put a hand on the spot where the branch had punctured her lung. "I've never been less in the mood in my life, so there's no need to worry about that." Looking up at Jesse she grinned, "Sorry Jess, guess it's back to those cold showers, eh?"  
  
Brennan and Shalimar snickered as Jesse turned beat red. Recovering, Jesse smiled- "Good thing I don't pay the water bill then, eh? My heart would probably stop when that bad boy came in."  
  
Laughing, Lexa winced again, and went still. "You said 'bad boy'. Funny."  
  
"You're certainly in a good mood for someone whose ass I just kicked. Again." Brennan observed. "It get easier with practice?"  
  
"In your dreams Sparky. The only reason you got me on my back was thanks to a little help from Mr. Tree Branch." Shooting a look at Shalimar, Lexa continued. "Sorry Shal, I just don't know what you see in him. All power, no finesse."  
  
"And I suppose Jesse's a regular Ron Jeremy, eh?" Shalimar teased.  
  
"Captain's got the boat and motion of the ocean on his side." Lexa winked, patting Jesse's face. "Don't you, Captain?"  
  
"Could we stop talking about my sex life while I'm standing here?" Jesse asked, good naturedly. "We've already discussed the fact I'll be living in the shower as it is. I don't want to think about how cold the water's going to have to be if you keep trying to get my blood to boil."  
  
"I'd like to second that motion," Brennan agreed. "I'm already scarred for life, have a little mercy."  
  
"Think of it as down payment on those ass kickings I owe you." Lexa replied thru her clenched teeth as she started to hobble toward her room with Jesse's help.  
  
When they got to her room, Jesse helped Lexa lower herself onto the bed. "You sure you're okay?" he asked, worry creasing his brow. "You scared the shit out of me Lexa."  
  
"I know. I'm sorry. I'll be fine. The Healer said so herself, remember?" Lexa motioned for Jesse to lie down next to her. "Everything turned out okay Jesse."  
  
Hesitating, Jesse got into bed with the injured woman. He slid his arm under her neck and pulled the covers up over them. "Why do I feel like we've gone thru this before and somehow nothing's changed?"  
  
Sighing, Lexa turned her head to look at him. "I was hoping you wouldn't remember that part what with all the excitement."  
  
"I don't understand why you won't let me in Lexa. You went ape-shit out there. Whatever happened with Jaime and-"  
  
"How do you know about Jaime?" Lexa interrupted, her voice hard.  
  
"You were delirious before the doctor came. You talked to me as if I was him." Jesse explained. "You said you wished you were still married to him."  
  
"Great... looks like Brennan was more effective an interrogator than I originally thought, huh?"  
  
"What happened to him Lexa?" Jesse asked, stroking her hair.  
  
"He died. I went A.W.O.L. when we got married. We managed to stay hidden for about... oh I don't know, four, maybe five months. They came for me with guns drawn. The poor bastard didn't stand a chance. They shot him seventeen times. He got off a few of his own though- put the Beard in the chair." Lexa's voice was soft and filled with pain. "But Jaime was as stubborn as all hell. It took him nearly 14 months to finally let go." Lexa paused, then forced herself to continue. "I begged my grandfather to let me stay with Jaime till the end. I told him I'd go back with him and work for the Dominion, the GSA, anyone- I didn't care who, if he'd let me stay. I guess he thought it wouldn't take that long when he agreed. I took Jaime home and spent those 14 months hoping against hope... But that was almost three years ago."  
  
Jesse didn't know what to say. He'd known that whatever it was that Lexa was keeping secret, the Dominion would be involved. For some reason he was more worried about their future together than he had been earlier. The Dominion was a physical obstacle he could fight. Jaime's ghost was something entirely different. Finally Jesse spoke. "How did you meet?"  
  
Lexa smiled, wiping tears from her eyes. "We were in language school together- beginning Italian. He was my conversation partner for three months. It was the summer I turned 21. He was two years older than me, and this intoxicating mix of sophistication, power, and innocence. He didn't know anything about the world that we live in, but he used to say that all he needed to know was that someone somewhere had made me for him, and he didn't care if it was my parents or a man in a lab coat."  
  
"I take it you told him about your powers?"  
  
"I was young and in love. It was stupid of me, but I don't know... When he told me about his home, his life, himself- I wanted to share who I was with him too. After it was all over Grandfather said that things might have been different if Jaime hadn't known. But what he didn't understand was that I would have been different if I'd lied to Jaime. Jaime gave me the world when all I had to give him was myself.  
  
"For my birthday Jaime took me to Montreal- we stayed in this amazing hotel- the Chateau something or other and stayed out till three in the morning dancing. The next day we drove out to his uncle's cabin on Lake Champlain and he made me Belgian waffles for dinner. Our lives were just so... normal. I've never been as happy as I was that year."  
  
"But you must have known that the Dominion wouldn't let you go Lexa. If you hadn't run the two of you could have lived your lives together, right?"  
  
Lexa laughed bitterly. "When my grandfather came up to visit in the middle of the summer and met Jaime, he took me aside and told me that I after I was done with my little fling he would be sending me to Rome for a year. 'You're a soldier Alexa, not a poet,' he said. 'Love is a weakness our enemies will exploit.' What he really meant, of course, was that it was a weakness that he would exploit.  
  
"Besides, Jaime had his own commitments. He couldn't follow me around the world and wait at home while I went on covert ops. His family was titled, and worth a hell of a lot of money. Jaime was his uncle's heir, eventually he would need to go home to Scotland. He followed me to Rome, but things were already different- harder. I couldn't tell him about my day, about what I had done. Jaime didn't trust the Dominion or my grandfather, but I did. Hell, I still do. Whatever else the Dominion has done, they've been brutally honest."  
  
"When it suits them," Jesse interjected. "They aren't boy scouts Lexa."  
  
"I know that Jesse. But they're like my dysfunctional family." Lexa tried to explain. "I know it's crazy- but I know how they act, how they think- they're all the family that I've known since Leo and I were kids."  
  
"You had Jaime. You have us. Damn it Lexa, they took him away from you- don't let them take me away from you too." Jesse's voice was harsh. Somehow he needed to get thru to her. He didn't know how many times he could go thru this with her.  
  
Lexa bit her lip, her eyes searching his. She took his hand and placed it over her heart, then slipped her hand under his shirt and placed it over his heart. "I don't want that to happen, but I also know what happens when you don't play by the rules."  
  
"This isn't some game Lexa. This is real." Jesse's hand caressed Lexa's skin. He could feel her heart rate quicken which raised his in turn. He curled his fingers in and then slowly stretched them out again, half teasing, half comforting.  
  
"Wha- what would you have me do?" she murmured, licking her lips. "Tell me... haow to make it work and I'll try."  
  
His hand stills, realizing that as exhilarating as it was to have her respond to him so quickly, she wasn't ready for anything intense. "You need to trust me. Don't shut me out."  
  
"Jesse, the last thing I want to do is shut you out," Lexa purred, rolling on top of him.  
  
"Lexa, you're killing me," Jesse groaned. "You know we can't. Besides, I thought you said you weren't in the mood."  
  
"Don't tell me no Jesse, please." Lexa kissed his chin, his neck, his earlobe. "I need you."  
  
"You said nothing's changed Lexa. You're the one who wants to play by their rules. Their rules say no go, so it's a no go." Jesse turned his head away so that their lips wouldn't meet."  
  
"Fine." Lexa rolled off him and turned her back to him.  
  
"Fine?" Jesse sat up. "That's it?"  
  
"That's it." Lexa pulled the blanket back up around her.  
  
"You're not going to fight for me?" Jesse asked incredulously.  
  
"Hey, you said we're not supposed to do it, so we're not going to do it." They made eye contact in the mirror across the room. "You're the one who wants to play by their rules." Lexa mimicked, making a face.  
  
"Lexa..." Jesse whined, leaning down, trying to spoon with her. "Don't be mad..."  
  
"I'm not," Lexa denied, scooting away from him.  
  
"Lexa... don't be this way. Why does it always have to be all or nothing with you?" Jesse scooted forward, kissing her neck, his hand rubbing her arm.  
  
"Don't." Lexa wiggled away.  
  
"Lexa..." Jesse gave up and rolled back over. "Should I leave?" he asked, staring at the ceiling.  
  
When she didn't answer he turned to look at her again, and found her looking back at him. Startled he jumped. "Christ Lexa! Do you enjoy trying to scare me to death?"  
  
Lexa giggled in way of an apology. "I didn't mean to. It's just so damn easy." She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. "I'm not trying to be difficult Jesse."  
  
It was hard, but he amazed himself by managing to stifle a snort. Unfortunately for him, Lexa saw the mischief in his eyes and pushed him, albeit gently. He took her hand from his chest and kissed her fingers. He watched as her eyes started to dilate at this innocent gesture. "You can't resist me, admit it."  
  
Lexa opened her mouth to blatantly lie and deny it, but a moan came out instead when Jesse licked her fingers, gently nibbling on them. When Jesse rolled on top of her, Lexa started to pant. She took her moist fingers and ran them down his chest. "You have too much clothes on Jesse."  
  
"Oh really?" Jesse asked teasingly. "I thought I was perfectly dressed for a night of not having sex."  
  
"If that's the case," Lexa murmured, "maybe I should put one on myself."  
  
Shaking his head, Jesse disagreed. He cupped both of her breasts in his hands, his fingers rolling her nipples as he slid into a seated position, straddling her. "I think you'd be over dressed then. You seem hot... are you hot baby?"  
  
Lexa's chest lifted up, pressing her breasts into his hands. Her head sank into her pillow and her eyes closed as she moaned softly. Already unable to speak, her hands wrapped themselves around the hem of Jesse's shirt on either side of his body. "Don't stop Jesse..." Her voice got higher, a little more desperate as Jesse softly pinched her nipples.  
  
Taking one of his hands from her chest, Jesse brushed some hair out of her face. "I don't know baby, you seem really hot. Maybe you have a fever. I don't want to push you further than you're ready for." Groaning in frustration, Lexa yanked hard on Jesse's shirt, ripping it off of him. Her eyes flashed when Jesse quickly pinned her hands over her head. "Tsk, tsk Lexa. You know the doctor said you shouldn't exert yourself."  
  
"Don't tease me Jesse." Lexa begged as Jesse nuzzled her neck, licking and sucking gently on her skin. "God... I need you to make love to me."  
  
"I don't know Lexa..." Jesse said softly with that authoritative voice he knew drove Lexa wild. "You're not supposed to exert yourself- and we did talk about playing by the rules..." His hand slid down the side of her body, settled on her sex, and began to rub concentric circles with his thumb. "On the other hand, love is strong medicine."  
  
"Love is... good." Lexa gasped as Jesse's hand passed thru her clothing and directly onto her most sensitive flesh.  
  
"And if I were to do all the work, then really, it would be like physical therapy, wouldn't it?" Jesse pulled his hand back and tapped his lips contemplatively.  
  
"I like the way you think." Lexa's head strained up to try to kiss him. "Therapy is good."  
  
"Of course, I'd have to restrain you so you didn't hurt yourself..." Jesse smiled slyly, squeezing her wrists for emphasis. He kissed her eager lips again, tempting her with his tongue. Sensing her eagerness, Jesse tied Lexa's wrists together behind her back. He kissed his way down her belly and removed her pants slowly, kissing each bit of flesh as it emerged. When he'd gotten her completely naked, he spread her slick folds and tasted her.  
  
Lexa went crazy. She arched back, pushing her hips down into his tongue and let out a stream of incoherent moans reflecting her... appreciation. Jesse slipped two fingers inside her and nibbled on her clit. He alternated between sucking and stroking it as his fingers pushed deep inside her.  
  
Her climax startled both of them. While it wasn't accompanied by the flash of heat and light that had rocked them both their first night together, the intensity of it was written all over Lexa. Smirking Jesse stretched, then flopped down on the bed next to her. "It seems my work here is done. I think I may deserve a promotion for that one. That's got to be some sort of record."  
  
"You're assuming that speed is an asset." Lexa wiggled out of her restraints and snuggled up to Jesse.  
  
"I got the job done. You don't seem to be complaining." Jesse smiled and kissed her lightly. "And technically, we didn't break the 'no sex' rule."  
  
"Well what about you oh honorable Boy Scout?"  
  
"I'll let you make it up to me."  
  
"So you're telling me that you're... fine."  
  
"Hey, you're talking to a man who's nickname is Rocky. I'll survive. I'm satisfied that you're satisfied and that I was able to... give you a hand in achieving that satisfaction." Jesse laced his fingers thru hers. "You really scared me today."  
  
"You mean with that whole punctured lung-almost-dying thing? I'm fine now."  
  
"You did die. Brennan stopped your heart."  
  
"And then he started it again. It was a freak accident."  
  
"That shouldn't have happened."  
  
"Are you telling me you blame Brennan?"  
  
"Lexa how can you not? He deliberately hit you with god only knows how much electricity."  
  
"He was trying to protect you, just like I was. And let's not forget that those subsequent hits saved my life. If you're going to worry about anything, worry about the fact that the people who care about you employ some messed up methods of watching your back."  
  
"Hell must have frozen over- you're defending Brennan. I want to kick his ass and you are defending him. What's wrong with this picture?"  
  
"Oh don't think I don't want to kick his ass myself. I'd be lying if I said I was 100% over the Leo thing, but for some twisted reason, today really went a long way towards mending those fences."  
  
"You're a freak, you know that right?"  
  
"Hello, I've been trying to tell you that for a while now. Now be quiet, I need my beauty sleep." Lexa kissed Jesse sweetly on the lips and squirmed around trying to get comfortable. "Night Rocky."  
  
"That's Captain Rocky to you miss." Jesse laughed. "Good night."  
  
* * * * 


	9. The Final Showdown

It was very early in the morning when Lexa jerked awake. She bolted upright, kicking Jesse squarely in the solar plexus in the process.  
"Damn it Lexa." Jesse groaned, struggling not to fall out of the bed. "What is it? Are you okay?"  
  
"He's coming. He's coming here now." Lexa slid out of bed and began to get dressed at lightening speed. "You have to go, get out of here now."  
  
"What? What are you talking about? Who's coming?" Jesse pulled his shirt on in confusion. "Talk to me Lexa."  
  
"My grandfather, he's coming here. Now." Lexa turned to him as she yanked on a pair of jeans. "You have to get out of here. He's furious as it is- if he finds you in here, he'll kill you."  
  
"What do you mean he's coming here? Now?" Jesse asked, running his fingers thru his hair. "How can you know that? It's four in the morning. Why would he come here now?"  
  
"Apparently he doesn't share Clinton's definition of 'sexual relations.' And how do you think I know?" Lexa held her ring up. "These rings were made using Dominion technology, meaning they can tap in any time they want to."  
  
"So he's coming here to bust my balls?" Jesse asked, pulling on his sox.  
  
"Pretty much." Lexa looked at her reflection in the mirror, straightening up. "He's here, are you dressed yet?"  
  
Nodding numbly, Jesse followed Lexa out of her room and into the lounge. The reality of the situation began to sink in when four armed men entered the room, accompanied by the man Jesse knew only as the Beard.  
  
"Alexa, Mr. Kilmartin," the Beard said by way of salutations. "I trust my timing now is a little more to your liking. While it isn't my style to bend to the whims of others, I did wait till you were otherwise... unoccupied."  
  
"Sir," Lexa said, coming to attention as the man in the wheel chair approached.  
  
"Ahh, it's good to know that not all of your training has left you, Ms. Pierce." The Beard said dryly as he stopped in front of them. "I do wish that Mr. Kilmartin would follow your lead a little more often. Perhaps if he had the discipline you're currently displaying Lexa, your resolve would be more..."  
  
"Rock solid?" Jesse offered, unable to resist, looking back and forth between grandfather and daughter. He was surprised when Lexa didn't even blink at his wise crack. Surprised, and worried. Whether the others intended to respond to his outburst or not, Jesse thought he'd take advantage of the momentary lull in what promised to be a difficult conversation.  
  
"I'd have to disagree with that assessment. It's taken a great amount of discipline and resolve on my part to wear Lexa down to this point. Someone once made me promise that if a woman like Lexa ever came into my life, I wouldn't let her go, and I intend to keep that promise." Jesse's voice was firm and unquestionable, drawing on his privileged background.  
  
"Perhaps you misunderstand the situation, Mr. Kilmartin. You think that my only interests here are the Dominion's. That is simply not true." With a wave, the Beard dismissed his guards. The soldiers fell out of formation and left without a word while Lexa went from standing at attention, to the ironically named 'at ease.' Once the guards had left, the Beard continued. "Have you ever stopped to ask what would happen if my granddaughter became pregnant with your child?"  
  
"Sir, we've used protection every time." Lexa said drawing herself back to attention while she spoke.  
  
"If she got pregnant, I would marry her, if she'd have me." Jesse said, forcibly taking Lexa's hand in his own. When Lexa tried to draw her hand away, he kept his grip firm.  
  
"And then what? Oh the Dominion would probably allow you to marry, perhaps even encourage you to have more children. In fact I'm sure they'd encourage you to have as many children as you'd like." The Beard laughed. "Alexa, tell your young man who those soldiers were so that he may better understand the situation."  
  
Hesitating, Lexa looked at Jesse. "They're my cousins- second cousins really. My cousin Steven met another and fell in love with another mutant while working for the GSA. They had four sons, all of whom were educated from the age of 14 in Dominion controlled boarding schools."  
  
"I know how much Alexa and Leo hated loosing what they thought of as their 'real' family. Steven was their father's brother; I was only blessed with the one daughter myself. When these boys, the four of them, were ready to enter the Program, I looked out for them out of a sense of familial loyalty. I'm an old man however, and I can't promise I'll be around to safeguard any offspring you and Lexa were to have."  
  
"The way you couldn't promise Lex that you'd look after Leo?" Jesse said flippantly.  
  
"Jesse don't." Lexa placed her hand on Jesse's arm. "He's right you know, if we were to have children together-"  
  
"Then those children would be well loved. We'd protect them." Jesse argued fiercely.  
  
"How? You haven't been able to stop me from observing your goings on for any substantial period of time. I came uninvited just now. The Healer I sent, while a convenient visitor was nonetheless a spy. Just how do you propose to hide your children from the Dominion?" The Beard shook his head. "It was one thing when Lexa fell in love with that Scott. He was a risk to the Dominion which could be eliminated. If you two decided to get married, what do you think would happen next? Would you open your own version of Xavier's School for the Gifted? This isn't some come book, Mr. Kilmartin. This is the real and often harsh world."  
  
"Just because we're together doesn't mean any of that has to happen." Jesse retorted.  
  
"If you can choose to pass thru solid objects Jesse, how effective do you think those condoms you've been using have been against the sperm your body produces?" The Beard raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm on the Pill." Lexa said softly. "I've been on the Pill since Jaime."  
  
"Thank god for small favors." The Beard said derisively.  
  
Jesse took a step towards the crippled man. "Why did you come here? To show us that you can? In case you missed it, I love your granddaughter, and I intend to be with her as long as she'll have me- and frankly, probably longer. I don't understand what's so threatening about that to you. Why don't you stop trying to control Lexa and start trying to be happy for her. Let me tell you, this is getting pretty old pretty fast."  
  
"You're hot for her, that's not love. If you truly loved her, you'd stop placing her in jeopardy by demanding this relationship. Do you think I want my line to end with her? I don't, but I'm willing to let that happen to ensure that no one else in my family goes thru what she went thru."  
  
"What you put her thru." Jesse shouted. "I can demand this relationship as you put it because I won't be putting her thru what you did, nor would I do that to any children we may be blessed with."  
  
"He's right." Lexa interjected, surprising the two men. "All this time- I've been worried about what would happen to my child- but it doesn't have to be like how it was for me. If my baby is a mutant, I'd know how to help him accept his gifts without rejecting his humanity. And just because I've worked for the Dominion- just because you have, that doesn't mean he has to. If they so much as try, I'll destroy them all. You and I both know I'm capable of it, especially with Jesse's help."  
  
From the shadows, Brennan and Shalimar stepped forward. "Especially with all of our help," the blond said threateningly.  
  
Turning, Lexa smiled at her teammates and squeezed Jesse's hand. "I think we're thru here, this discussion is over." Stepping forward, Lexa grabbed the Beard's wheelchair and started pushing him quickly to the hanger. "From now on, my relationship with Jesse, or any man who may follow him is none of your concern. My children- again, none of your concern. If I so much as suspect you or anyone on the Council is threatening someone I care about, you'll rue the day you ever cooked me up in that lab of yours.  
  
As they entered the hanger, Lexa gave the chair one last shove. Waiving to her kinsmen, Lexa stepped back into the arms of Jesse, who had followed her. "It was nice of you to visit gentlemen, but I'll ask you not to do so again uninvited. Goodbye."  
  
The team stood in the hanger and watched as the Beard retreated into his armored copter and took off without a word. As it was taking off, the four of them saw the men have a brief discussion.  
  
"Can you make out what they're saying Shal?" Jesse asked as they watched the bird leave.  
  
"Sorry Jesse, I can't." Shalimar said, straining to prove herself wrong.  
  
"He's telling them their mission was a success." Lexa said softly. "The pilot just asked if my grandfather thinks I'll make it this time. He said- he said he knows I will, especially with you by my side. He's laughing- he finds it ironic that it was my soft spot for a man who can make himself more solid than a rock that gave me the strength to finally stand up for myself."  
  
Giving her a squeeze, Jesse kissed her cheek. "Did he leave his com link on so you could hear that?"  
  
"No- it was the pilot- Murry." Pausing for a moment as the copter disappeared on the horizon, Lexa exhaled. "We were close at the Academy Boarding School- he's the same age as Leo and I. He was a part of the team that was sent to bring me back the last time. I guess he felt he owed me one."  
  
"So it's over?" Brennan asked. "The two of you can stop worrying about the rest of the world trying to screw you over and just screw each other over?"  
  
"Very nice Bren." Shalimar rolled her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, it's over Sparks." Jesse put his arm around Lexa's shoulders as they walked back in. "Anyone in the mood for some champagne? I'm in the mood to celebrate."  
  
Lexa smiled and sent Jesse ahead. "You go pour. I'll be right there."  
  
As the boys took off, Shalimar hung back with Lexa, watching the brunet very carefully. "You okay, Lexa? You don't seem that thrilled."  
  
Lexa shrugged and gave Shalimar a lopsided smile. "It's just a lot to take in, you know? It's been a long day. I guess it just hasn't sunk in yet." As they walked on, Lexa confessed something to the blond that she wouldn't have three weeks ago. "He said he loved me Shal. In front of my grandfather, who I was convinced was there to kill us both. We haven't- I mean, I wouldn't let him say it before."  
  
"You must have known." Shal said quietly. "Any idiot could tell just by the way he looks at you."  
  
"I must be some kind of idiot." Lexa replied. "No, that's not true. I knew- I just, I didn't want to know, if that makes any sense. It was easier when it was just really really really good sex with a really really really hot and very close friend."  
  
Shalimar laughed. "Maybe it's the same thing Lexa. Did you ever think of that? Maybe that's why it was that good and you think he's that hot."  
  
Lexa smiled and nodded. "There you go, being all intuitive again. You ferals and your instincts."  
  
The two women soon joined their teammates who handed them both full glasses of champagne. As they shared a toast, the words of which were lost to her, Lexa looked at the man who had put it all on the line for her. Drinking the champagne, she couldn't help but think, 'Now that it's over, I wonder how it will end."  
  
* * * * * 


End file.
